Burger King: Sonic Style!
by Blue Mage Quartet
Summary: Crappy random humor. Cuz, gee, we don't have enough of that in the Sonic section, do we? Feel free to avoid like the plague, I don't like it much either.
1. The Prize & Letter of Doom

Chapter 1: The Letter & Prize of Doom!

* * *

Sonic had his eyes glued to the TV screen. He saw the outcome of success- 87. He also saw that he would get two strikes on the enemy… nice. He flinched, concentration disrupted, as he heard a voice hail his ears, "Hey, Sonic, we just got new mail!" 

Tails walked into Sonic's room, tripping on the shoes that the blue hedgehog had haphazardly tossed on the floor. The papers flew out of his hands as he landed with a painful sounding thump.

The blue hedgehog looked at his friend, "Hey, you okay?" He turned his eyes back to Tails as the two-tailed fox leaned up off the floor.

He sighed, blowing his three spiky bangs out of his eyes, "Sonic, you should really be more organized. Shoes can kill, you know?" The fox said, glaring at Sonic. He noticed that Sonic had the Gamecube up and running and was playing a video game. "What game is this?"

Sonic focused once more on the TV, "It's Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance! Want to watch this battle play out?" Sonic then pressed the A button on the controller.

Both the friends watched as the screen morphed to show a young woman in orange clothes with a Killing Edge and her enemy, a knight riding a horse with a sharp axe. The female Swordmaster ran up to the knight and instantly destroyed him, doing a back flip slash. (Viva la critical hit!) A bar showed up with her gaining some Exp.

Tails thrust a hand-written letter into Sonic's face. Turning off the power, he grabbed the letter and started to speed-read:

_Hey you two,_

_You'll never guess what happened! Remember that contest I entered a few months ago? I WON! Can you believe it? They haven't revealed the prize yet, but it said in the newspaper today that they would relinquish the prize to the winner today at Station Square! You really should drop by! Get everyone else to come along if you can! See you there at 3:30!_

_Your friend,_

_Amy Rose_

Sonic mused to himself, "Why would they not tell her the prize immediately? Aren't contest prizes usually cash or a big car?"

Tails looked at him, "But Amy doesn't have her license.And cash would be a no-no, because Amy would overhaul and spend it all."

Sonic continued, "What did she mean by 'unveiling the prize'? Is it a building of some sort? Like a movie theater?"

Tails stood up, "It could be a trap. You know, we should get everyone else in case it is some sort of trap."

Sonic looked at the clock. The clock hands pointed exactly at 3:00. Sonic grabbed the fox and rushed along at Super Sonic speed.

* * *

Amy paced up and down anxiously awaiting the unveiling of her prize. She was gnawing on her fingernails (AN: Do they even have fingernails?) at an alarming rate. Soon she would be chewing off her fingers. "ARGH!" she groaned. "When are the contractors supposed to be here? This is so annoying! I don'tknow why the manager herself couldn't show up!" she whined. 

Sonic took Amy by the shoulders and shook her slowly. "Amy! Are you sure this is not a trap? For all we know this could be one of Eggman's-and I quote-'master schemes.'"

"Amy, did you even READ what that contest entailed?" Tails said to the pink hedgehog.

She giggled nervously, "Eh... heh-heh... of course I did... why wouldn't I?"

Rouge sighed with an annoyed tone. Like she wanted to be here. There were better things to do…. jewels to steal, flying, flirting with a certain red echidna. She walked up beside Knuckles and slapped him playfully on the butt.

Knuckles turned around, blushing even a deeper red color than his fur, "Knock it off, Rouge!" Seeing a chance to embarrass her, he whispered to Rouge, "Save that for the bedroom."

Rouge turned tomato, "WHAT?" She furiously tried to spin-kick him, but he ducked. He aimed a punch at her face, but she blocked. Both of them started to bicker and yell, aiming punches and kicks at each others' faces, turning into one of those fighting cartoon dust clouds.

Cream stared at the large tarp covering the building. Only one thought was in her head, continuosly circling in her brain. "Ice cream... ice cream...ice cream...ICE CREAM!" She suddenly yelled, running around pointlessly in circles for 2 minutes.

Everyone, including the two fighters, stared at her bug-eyed. "Um… I just really love ice cream. Hee hee…?" Cream told them, laughing awkwardly.

The whole group suddenly turned around as a car pulled in. Amy let out a relieved sigh, happy to be freefrom questioning by Sonic and Tails. "That must be the contractor."

A man dressed in a snazzy business suit, complete with tie, stepped out of the car. He had several papers for signing, and a young woman with mousey brown hair followed behind her. He sidled up to Amy with a fake grin plastered on his face. " You are the Miss Amy Rose, correct?"

"Erm..." she looked over to her friends, who were making gestures that implied that Amy should just walk away. But she ignored them. "Yes." She turned to her comrades, whose jaws had made themselves comfortable on the ground. How dissapointed they were.

"I need to you to sign here,here, and here." The snazzy business man jabbed to various points on the paper, handing Amy a pen. "Now read the contract carefully, okay?" Amy slowly read the contract word for word. She couldn't really understand any of it, so she took it slow. The man became irate and yelled at her, "Just sign the thing will ya?" Amy hurriedly skimmed over the rest of the contract, jotting down her name hastily.

The man snatched the papers from Amy, reading over her work. Satisfied, he turned to his assistant. "Inga!" he said, snapping his fingers,"unveil the restaraunt."

Inga reluctantly pulled away the cover, making a "Fwoosh" sound for added affect. Everyone just stared at her. The young woman thought, "This job sucks." The tarp fell away to reveal what looked like a normal restaurant. The original name, displayed as "The Jade Palace," was written in puffy pink writing, while the whole building was painted in various shades of green, pink, and orange.

Sonic fell to the ground, writhing in supposed pain, "ARGH! The pain! The agony! The horrible brightness of neon! IT BURNS!" The blue hedgehog was ignored as he continued to roll on the ground.

The snazzy man shook hands with Amy and told her, "Tomorrow you will meet the manager and discuss everything." Calling his assistant to him, he drove away.

Shadow crossed his arms doubtfully, "Like anyone would WANT to eat there. The colors are bad enough!"

* * *

Amy jumped up and down excitedly, "Yes! My very own restaraunt!" She turned around to all her friends. "So, who's going to help me with it?" 

Crickets chirped in the background, it was so silent.

She asked all her friends again, hoping," Come on guys!"

The whole group responded, "NO!"

She pleaded with them, "Come on! Please! It'll be fun!"

Again, there was a flat-out "NO!"

Amy sighed, "Am I going to have to appeal to everyone's good side in a pointless conversation that would waste my time?" She let out in a big breath.

The response was a resounding, "YES!"

Amy first appealed to Sonic. "Come on Sonic, you know it will be fun! There will be... chili dogs!" She said, hoping that the mention of his favorite food would sway him.

Sonic found the temptation hard to resist, " Um... hmmm... I don't know. Amy, do you really think I have time for that?" Amy pulled out her famous hammer, ready to swing. Sonic suddenly screamed like a girl and ran behind Cream. "Of course I'll help, Amy. You know me...loving the job. Just don't hurt me!"

She walked over to Tails,"You know Tails, we could REALLY use your technical prowess."

Tails was intrigued. "What sorts of things would I be working with?"

Amy said sweetly, knowing she had him,"The grill, the lighting, and the thingy that goes'May I take your order?' You could even build little toys to hand out in the Kids Meals."

"Well, I guess so. You never know whether something is fun till you try."

Amy patted him on the shoulder, "Good man! I knew you would help!"

She skipped over to Knuckles, "Hey Knuckles! Say you want to help or else!"

Knuckles smirked, "Or else what?"

Amy cackled evilly, " Say hello to my little friend! Mwa ha ha!"The hedgehog pulled out her hammer.

Knuckles screeched like a little girl, "AHHHHH! Don't hurt me! I'll work, I'll work." He said, joining Sonic behind Cream, trembling and shaking.

Amy ran over to her rabbit friend, "You know what I have for my best friend if she works for me?" Amy said girlishly.

"Oh, what, what?" Cream said, eyes wide.

Amy cried out triumphantly, "Ice cream! Ta da!" She said, showing a big ice cream drawing.

"OOOOH!" Cream said maniacially, "ICE CREAM!" The rabbit ran towards it, but unfortunately found out headfirst it was just a drawing.

Amy looked oddly at her friend who lay twitching on the ground, muttering, "Ice cream... ice cream..."

Amy approached Shadow cautiously, "Hey Shadow-"

"No." The black and red hedgehog said curtly, cutting Amy off."Not if it involves human contact."

Amy sighed resolutely, "Oh, too bad. You'd be missing out."

Thehedgehog looked her crazily in the eyes, suddenly interested, "Like on what?"

Amy replied, "Oh, nothing much really. Just various implements of destruction."

"Will there be knives?" Shadow asked.

"Yes." Amy said.

"Fire?"

"Check."

"Pickle jars?"

"Um... sure, as many as you want."

"Alright then, count me in."

Amy finally approached Rouge, "Hey Rouge."

"What do you want, pinkie?"

"Nothing, just wondering if you wanted a job."

"Why would I want a job?"

"Maybe for your reputation."

"What exactly do you mean by that?" Rouge hissed, narrowing her eyes.

"It's just... you wouldbe seen in a more positive light. Think about it: bat thief turned to helpful restaraunt worker.People would actually start to trust you."

"Okay, fine. It's not because I want to, though. I expect a large payment in jewels for my services."

"Where am I going to find these jewels?" Amy asked, "On a side note, why do I have to pay you?"

"I don't know, use your head!" Rouge said, winking playfully.

Amy told everyone, "All right then, I expect to see you guys here tomorrow at 2:00!"

Everyone headed home, truly wondering what they had got themselves into.

* * *

Yep, I just had a weird idea for Sonic and his friends to own a restaurant. Well, please review! 


	2. Jade, A Manager?

Chapter 2: Jade… a manager?

AN: This chapter features Elsie and Jade. I do not own Jade nor Jynx, sadly. She is the creation of the brilliant mind of… DramaQueen20000! Enjoy!

* * *

"Ugh… why do you keep beating me?" Sonic whined. He watched as his character, Zack, was blown through the glass and landed a bazillion feet below. The blue guy glared at Knuckles, who was sitting impassively holding a controller, "Knuckles, this tag team thing isn't working. I call for a switch!" He cried out dramatically. 

Amy looked over in Sonics direction, "Sonic, are you saying that you are afraid to fight me and Cream? Come on, one more match!" The pink hedgehog said, firmly gripping her Xbox controller. The friends were having a Dead or Alive 3 bout, and so far, Amy and Cream royally owned the field. It was 12:00… one hour before the meeting at the "Jade Palace."

Sonic resolutely clicked the "Character Select" option. He chose to play as Jan Lee and his team partner Knuckles highlighted Bayman. Amy chose to play as Kasumi, and Cream opted for Helena.

"Oh yeah!" Knuckles cried out as the background music rang out in Ayanes' snowstorm stage. However, Knuckles wasn't very good as Bayman; he managed to knock Helena off of the mountain and send her rolling, but Cream came out victorious, beating Knuckles. Amy switched in as Kasumi, whipping the snot out of Sonics' character, and winning the match by performing the powerful "Oboro."

"ARGH! Why, gods of Dead or Alive, why? How did super martial arts guy and tough military assassin dude lose to runaway ninja girl and opera singer with frilly booby thingies? WHY?" Sonic declared in a drawn out lament that no one cared to listen to.

Amy was giving Cream a high five when the phone rang. Knuckles, who was closest, picked it up, "Yello. Yeah, she's right here." Holding the phone in Amys direction, "Its' for you. She sounded kind of familiar."

Amy dashed over to the phone, grabbing it from Knuckles, "Hola! Amy here!" The person on the other side of the phone suddenly let out a string of gibberish and started to talk in very fast tones. Amys' eyes grew wide, "Are you serious? NO WAY! What do you mean 'I threw her in the ravine'! Don't worry, I'll be right over."

Amy set down the phone. She told her friends, "Guys, I'll be leaving a bit early for the meeting. It turns our manager needs a little help. Remember to show up at 1:00, all right?" The young girl reminded them.

Sonic turned to Cream, "Hey, since you don't have a partner, why not ask Tails?"

Tails had been watching the group play the game instead of playing. He eagerly took up Amys' controller. "No need to ask!" He chose Lei Fang as his character, Cream was Tina, Sonic chose Hayate, and Knuckles clicked on Bass.

Sonic asked Tails as the fight began, "Why did you choose to play as a girl, Tails?"

Tails suddenly leapt in Sonic's face, "What, you gotta problem with that, huh? Huh? Huh? Do ya? Do ya? Do ya?" The young fox retorted in a very Dory-esque fashion.

"Oh no!" Cream cried out as Sonic laid the finishing blow to the slutty blonde wrestler we all know and love.

"Don't worry, Sonic!" Knuckles winked, switching in Bass. "This match is in the bag. Bring it on, China girl!" Knuckles yelled as if the character could hear him.

Tails easily dominated the match. He destroyed Knuckles without even taking a hit, and followed up on Sonic in a similar fashion. Slapping Cream a high five, he whooped, "BOOYAH! Beat that!"

Sonic just placed his head in his hands, miserable. "Why can't I win…?"

* * *

Amy slowly approached her new restaurant. Sirens from police cars flared all around the oddly bright building, which contrasted sharply with the grays and blues of Station Square. 

Amy wondered aloud, "Why are there police cars here of all places?" Suddenly the realization dawned on her: how was she going to get past all these policemen? What if they thought she was some kind of criminal? What if they tried to shoot her?

Amy started to freak, "OMG! What if they kill me? I don't want to die in front of some tacky restaurant named 'The Jade Palace'!"

Her bewildered mind started to jump to conclusions. _What if there's some kind of crazy axe murderer in there? What if he killed the manager? What if the horrible design of the place made the building implode? _Okay, the last one was weird.

Our favorite pink hedgehog suddenly heard footsteps. Diving behind some conveniently placed bushes, she crouched in hiding. Policemen roamed the ground and surrounding shrubbery where Amy was hiding.

"Haven't found anything, have you?" A police officer asked his teammate.

"No, where could she be?" The female cop replied. The footsteps died out as they went back in the opposite direction.

Amy formulated a plan. "Hey, there are several trees. I'll sneak behind them until I reach the restaurant."

She tiptoed over to the nearest tree until she was a few feet away, then lunged behind it. She lay in wait behind it for a time to see if the coast was clear, and snuck over to the next tree. Amy continued on in this manner until she reached the back doorway of the Jade Palace and opened it.

* * *

Amy proceeded through the restaurant. She was looking for the manager, wondering where she could possibly be. Walking around booths and tables, the hammer wielding hedgehog stepped behind the counter. A face popped up right in front of her. 

"HI! I'm Elsie!"

"Waugh!" Amy cried out overdramatically, nearly falling over. "Who are you?"

The young cow sang out: "In Cyberlaaaaaaaaand, we only drink… Diet Coke."

Amy stared at her, confused, "Er… okay…"

A familiar voice told her, "You'll have to excuse her. She's not really all quite there."

Amy turned around and saw an old friend… "OMG! JADE!"

"OMG! AMY!"

The two friends than proceeded to jump up and down insanely, doing that impossibly high pitched scream that girls do. This lasted for several minutes.

Jade turned to her friend the cow and asked, "Elsie, why don't you introduce yourself?"

"Only thing to do is jump over the moon!" Elsie said in a sing song voice. She then proceeded to attempt a ballerina twirl, but unfortunately tipped over during the middle and banged her head on the counter. The bovine fell over and didn't get up.

"Um… Anyway, Jade, what are you doing here?"

"Well, to make a long story short, this is all Jynx's fault." Jade said angrily, crossing her arms.

"How so?"

"It all started when I was the manager of this place-"

"WHAT?" Amy said incredulously, her jaw dropping to the floor.

"Don't interrupt! Anyway, one day Jynx just totally lost it. She shot a baby that wouldn't stop crying-"

"OH MY GAWD! SHE SHOT A BABY? WHAT"S WRONG WITH HER!" Amy roared in indignation.

"No, she didn't kill it. It was a pop gun. It zinged all around the restaurant, eventually hitting an old lady. She toppled over and broke her hip. Jynx and I had to go to court because she sued… Jynx went a little crazy and started to beat up the judge. Because of that, my best bud got sent to jail. I just now managed to break her out."

Amy had sufficiently calmed down, "Why isn't she here with us now?" The hedgehog girl inquired.

Jade started to twiddle her thumbs, "We got into an argument. She got all riled up about how she could have escaped herself and how I took away all her weapons… I told her it was to protect herself and others, though really it was just I wanted to have some fun with them later…" Jade told her, with an evil gleam in her eye, "needless to say, the argument descended into a fight… much punching, kicking, throwing of bodies into a ravine… you catch my drift."

Amy nodded, "Kay then… what are we going to do about the police?"

Suddenly Elsie leaped up from the floor, "This'll teach them." In her hands… was a rocket launcher!

"No Elsie!" Amy cried out. Both Jade and Amy closed their eyes and covered their eyes.

Elsie kicked open the door of the restaurant. Aiming the rocket launcher, she fired. "Eat this, you bunch of belly button expediters!"

Everyone was prepared for a large explosion. But instead of the charred streets and melted police cars, something different occurred. The remains of a large balloon lay scattered amidst the ground. Several cops were dripping wet and blinking, some were even shaking with fury.

Elsie rushed back inside, offering a mumbled apology, "Heh heh, sorry."

Amy blinked slowly in bewilderment, "The rocket launcher… had water balloons… in it." She giggled at the last part, then suddenly burst out laughing. "Hahaheeheeohhohhahahah!"

Jade angrily shook her fist at the skies. "Curse you, Jynx! As soon as you get out of that ravine, I'm gonna kick your arse right back down it!"

Amy, Elsie, and Jade all turned around in surprise. The cops were suddenly gone. Sonic and the rest of the group were standing outside, right on time.

Amy ran out of the building, flinging herself bodily on Sonic and treating him to one of her bone crushing hugs. "Sonic! I can't believe you actually came! AND on time!"

"Urgh… Amy… can't breathe…" Sonic turned a deeper shade of blue.

"Oh, sorry." Amy apologized. "By the way, where did the cops go?"

Sonic shrugged, "I dunno. They drove away as soon as we got here. Apparently they thought we were here to help."

Amy motioned to Jade and Elsie, "Come on you guys!"

Jade walked out of the restaurant, waving at everyone. Everyone acknowledged her with: "OMG It's Jade!" ( Sonic, Knuckles, and Rouge) or "Hi Jade!" (Cream and Tails) Everyone except Shadow.

The black and red hedgehog rushed towards her, crying out madly, "Jade, my lover! I have been aching to see you! Kiss me baby! I want to make sweet love to you!" (Me: o-O… Run for your life Jade!)

Jade made a scene as if to hug him, but responded instead with a punch in the face and then kicking Shadow in the crotch. The black and red hedgehog fell to the ground whimpering.

"Oh yeah. Meet Elsie! Why don't you say hi, Elsie?"

"Ouuuuut tonight!" The young cow sang, trying to do an impression of Mimi but failing.

Everyone just burst out laughing. Things would be even crazier with Jade and Elsie around.

* * *

Urgh… I'm so sleepy… (yawn) Please review… (zzz…) 


	3. Of Babies and Pickles

Chapter 3: Of Babies and Pickles

Disclaimer: Once again, I do NOT own Jade. DramaQueen20000 had the ingenuity to come up with her. Since you DO want to know about her background and why Shadow acted that way, read her hilarious story "A Carazy World!" On with the… cooking? Also Jade is a human, so I'm SUPER sorry about confusing anyone. I also don't own any verses from Rent. I also don't own any restaurants mentioned or people from movies mentioned.. or any other songs mentioned..

* * *

Jade blinked in astonishment, her ginormous eyelashes fluttering. She stared at her new manager attire that was required. Instead of her normal light pink top and bell bottom pants with white runners, she now had a manager outfit with business shoes. Her raven hair now flowed down to her waist without her pink hair band. Perched atop her egg-shaped head was a visor-like thing that had the word "Manager" written across the top. She had removed her large glasses and decided to try contacts.

She growled as she struggled to put them in, jabbing herself in the eye, "Damn… these stupid little plastic things are so annoying…" Turning to Tails, she frowned, "Be honest… Do I look decent?"

Tails looked up from his tinkering with a machine, "Looks good to me! Then again, I haven't seen anyone dressed as a manager, so I'm speaking from opinion here…" He gestured around the room. "Do you think we could liven the place up a bit?"

"How so? Do you mean with music? Is that what that thing is?" Jade asked suspiciously, pointing to Tails' new machine.

"Not ONLY is it a stereo…" Tails cried dramatically, "it can produce any food that we need, carries six packs of soft drinks, can spell the word nepotism, does the laundry, produces holographic images of butter, generates several gallons of paint, and makes inflatable balloons!"

Jade nodded wisely, "All that in a stereo? Talk about an all purpose machine! What kinds of music does it have?"

"All kinds!" The two tailed fox pressed a button. Shania Twain's _I Feel like a Woman _started to blare in the background.

"Tails?"

"Not good enough? Yeah, that song gets annoying." Tails muttered, flipping another switch. The theme song from _Angel _(which I love, by the way) began.

"Nice, but where are the words?" Jade asked.

"It doesn't have to have words to be good…" Tails sighed. (Too true.) He pressed another button. _Everybody was Kung Fu Fighting _filled their ears.

Jade sighed. "You know, I think I'll start helping everyone else get ready… We open in half an hour, okay? Try not to choose music that will make everybody gag." She slipped out of the room, grinning. "I think I'll go plagiarize menu items from other restaurants! These idiots couldn't improvise a menu if it fell on their heads…" Jade rushed out of the restaurant, cackling evilly.

Tails turned to his invention huffily, "Fine. No appreciation around here, I tell you." The young fox opened up a list of music, "Hmmm… lessee here… _Liberi Fatali? _Or how about _Hymn of the Fayth?_ Nah, they wouldn't appreciate Final Fantasy…" he mumbled to himself. "Aha! Perfect!" He said, eyes lighting up when he came across a certain musical piece. "_The Hamster Dance_!"

* * *

Amy's eyes were narrowed. She was breathing very heavily. She looked at the source of all her troubles… the grill. **Bum bum bum!**

She was frothing at the mouth as she bashed it heavily with her hammer. "You…stupid…piece…of…crap… turn…on!" She was oblivious to the fact that she was destroying the only machine that could help prepare the majority of the food. Dents and scrapes were all over the surface of the grill due to Amys' maddened attack on it. Her final blow caused flames to ignite.

Amy started to panic, eyes wide as the flames licked the ceiling. "Oh no! What am I gonna do?"

"Hey Amy! Is everything okay in there?" Sonic asked from the front of the building.

"Yeah, right as rain!" Amy replied, giggling nervously. "I haven't started a fire! And I am certainly am NOT looking for the fire extinguisher…"

"All righty!" Sonic yelled back in response.

Amy looked around for the fire extinguisher. Seeing it on the wall, she bashed the glass and withdrew it from its case. She yelled out in a heroic pose, "HIYAAAH!" Foam flew everywhere, landing on the walls and floor, eventually dousing the fire. The pink hedgehog breathed in relief, "Phew! Thank heaven that is done!"

Cream walked in from out of nowhere. "What's done?" she asked in her innocent way.

"Oh nothing!" Amy nearly jumped in surprise. Hiding the extinguisher guiltily behind her back, she asked Cream, "So, where have you been?"

Cream shivered a little as if she was cold, "I went to the back to check on our ice cream. It sure was cold. No wonder they call it the 'freezer.'"

Amy stooped down to pick up some of the fluff that had landed near her. "Want to help me pick up some of this?"

"Sure!" Cream said, bending down and gathering the foam together. "What is this stuff, anyway?"

Amy replied, "Erm… soap! The fluffy, foamy, splatter all over the room kind of soap." She walked near the grill and wiped some away from the side. She gasped and her eyes grew wide as she saw something beyond imagination.

"What's wrong, Amy?" Cream asked, running to her side, but she slipped on the foam and fell down. Swiftly hopping up, she flew to Amys' side instead.

In an awed voice, Amy answered, "There's an 'On' switch!"

* * *

Jade quietly slipped in the front door. She had a collection of various menu items she had nicked from the different fast food restaurants around Station Square. She had a list in her hands, making up new names for products from other places. She placed the menu plaques on the slots above the ordering counter, murmuring, "Hmmm… 'Chicken McNuggets'? Too McDonalds-ish, how about 'Malformed Tiny Chicken Squares?"

Shadow, who was standing at the cash register, looked up at Jade strangely. "Jade… what're you doing?"

Jade hid all the evidence behind her back, "Just putting our selection together. Why?"

Shadow raised an eyebrow, "Because one of those 'menus' reads 'Wendy's Value Meals'."

Jade laughed, "That's right! They're giving away free Value Menus at Wendy's for a chance to win 200 hippos! I thought I should try it out." She threw the afore mentioned menu aside.

"Okay…" Shadow said, turning around. "Make sure you're ready in 5 minutes. Customers should be making their way here by then."

"Yeesh." Jade said grumpily, turning back to her work. "Who is he to order me around? I'm the fricking manager… Anyway, we have Double Bacon Cheeseburger, good, but 'Churro'? Let's change that to 'Cinnamon Sugary Burrito!'" Jade continued to place menu items and rename them.

Shadow cried out, "Look! Our first customer!"

A middle aged woman with blonde hair and a little baby girl in a stroller pushed opened the door. She strolled up to the counter and eyed the list of food behind the black and red hedgehog.

Shadow did his best with a smile, which in his case wasn't much, "Hi! Is this for here or to go?"

The lady nodded, "For here, please. I would like a medium Hamburger with tomatoes, lettuce, and mustard and an order of Twisty Potatoes (Jade slang for Curly Fries) and a medium Diet Coke."

Shadow pressed the various little buttons on the cash register, reading off the total. "Looks like this is $4.59." The lady gave him a $5.00 bill and he counted out the change, "40…41! Here you go." He reached out and placed the change in her hand. "Your order will be there in a minute." The mother walked over to the seating area and sat down at a table.

Shadow spoke to Amy, who was working the grill, through the little microphone set perched on his ear, "Did you hear what she said, Amy? Get to work!"

Amy growled, "See if he orders me to do things one more time… Anyway, Cream, can you PLEASE fetch me a package of the medium sized beef patties?" She emphasized the word so that Shadow could have a glimmer of understanding.

Shadow ignored her, "Another customer incoming!"

A young man with red hair and a wife and two kids approached the dark hedgehog. The father turned to his family, "Whatcha in the mood for?"

"PANCAKES!" came the mass reply.

"All right." The man chuckled. He gave Shadow his orders for the fluffy breakfast treat. "One Maple Square, One Cherry Puff, One Blueberry Drizzle, and One Rich Baked Apple." These were Jade's names for pancake orders she had stolen from Cracker Barrel.

Shadow clicked on the symbols placed on the cash register, "Your total will be $8.00. It will be here in a minute." The family paid, moved to a booth, and sat down. Shadow called to Knuckles with the microphone to see if he could prepare the pancakes.

He heard distinct snoring noises on the other end of the set. "Knuckles? Knuckles…?" Shadow said quietly, to see if the echidna could hear him. No response.

Fast losing patience, Shadow roared, "KNUCKLES! YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR AN IDIOT! WAKE UP!"

This didn't even seem to bother the red echidna as he continued to snore.

Shadow slapped his face, "Ugh! I give up… Maybe I'll try Rouge." Setting it to contact the bat, Shadow heard several "Hiyahs!" "Urghs! "Oofs!" and even a "Hoopla!" or two thrown in. Speculative as to what the situation was on her side, Shadow asked. "Um… Rouge?"

"Crap! I can't talk right now. Gotta run, Shaddie!" Rouge answered him mischievously, cutting off the transmission.

Shadow bonked his head miserably against the counter. "I need someone to make those pancakes!"

Suddenly Sonic zoomed in, "I'll handle it!"

Shadow looked up from his head-banging, "What?"

Sonic zipped away into the kitchen without waiting for Shadow, "How hard can it be to make pancakes?" (Me: GASP! Sonic willingly working? It's the apocalypse!)

The blue hedgehog tossed baking powder, eggs, milk, and flour willy-nilly into a skillet and stirred it into a thick batter. He skillfully ladled the batter into a skillet, and watched as it panned out into a pancake shape. He waited for the side to turn golden brown. Sonic flipped the hotcake up into the air. But it didn't float back down as he expected.

"Tails!" He hollered, beckoning the orange-yellow fox to him, "I need your help!"

Tails flew into the room. "You called?"

He pointed to the flapjack that was stuck to the ceiling. "Can you get that for me?"

Tails flew up to the ceiling above. He gingerly tried to loosen the doughy confection from its place. But that didn't work. So he tugged at it hard. Unfortunately he pulled too hard, the tile came crashing down along with the pancake, plummeting straight in Sonic's direction. It landed on the hedgehog, knocking him out.

Tails looked at his stunned friend, covered in pancake and plaster. He pulled a camera from out of nowhere, grinning as he snapped pictures. "Now THIS is a Kodak moment!"

Amy looked at the masterpiece she and Cream had cooked up. The burger looked perfect, every condiment and detail masterfully placed, and Creams' curly fries didn't look too shabby either.

Amy and Cream gave each other high fives. "Hoo Woo! Hey Elsie, can you carry this to the lady and her baby at table 5?"

Elsie picked up the tray and walked past them, skipping in the direction Amy indicated. "I am forbidden to produce… milk. La la la la la!" She hopped along, almost at the table. That was when disaster struck.

Elsie's long tail had wrapped around both of her hooves. She lurched forward. "NOOOOO!" She cried out in slow motion.

The burger flew right at the woman's hair, splattering all over her face. The drink busted open and soaked her clothes. The fries, coincidentally, landed right in her daughter's lap. The baby cooed happily and started to munch on the curly fries.

Elsie stood for a moment, twiddling her fingers, and then rushed back into the kitchens.

* * *

Everyone stood warily behind the counter. The customers were all gathered at the front, glaring vehemently at the staff of 'The Jade Palace'.

Sonic, who had recovered from the pancake incident, wailed out dramatically, "Nooo! There is an army of angry

customers! They're all gonna attack and ruin my beautiful face!" He whined in a very Kuzco-moment.

Rouge eyed him, "What, all 3 of them?" There were only 3 people capable of actually attacking Sonic; the adults.

"Hey, it would give us a little peace and quiet." Knuckles added.

Jade mumbled to the angry customers, "What seems to be the problem?"

The mother shouted, "That fat cow over there ruined my outfit!"

Elsie shouted right back, "Who you calling fat, you whale?"

"Oh no you didn't!"

"Yes I just did!"

"Bring it, Dairy Queen." The mother volleyed at Elsie.

"It is SO brought, you stupid biatch." Elsie insulted as she leaped over the counter.

Thus evoked a raging fight, involving much hoof stomping, hair pulling, bitch slapping, and general pain on Elsie's part. She stood up victorious over the bloody and mangled body of the woman.

She leaped back over the counter, giving a thumbs up sign, "Don't worry, she's alive. She SO had it coming, though."

This still left the issue of the family of four. They all had flared nostrils, evil eyes, and general auras of being very angry. "We want our pancakes!" They all yelled savagely.

"Quick! Throw a baby at them!" Jade said, picking up a random baby she found on the floor. Its diaper reeked and it was crying. "Eat this!" Jade yelled as she threw the baby over the counter.

The family sidestepped as the little infant flew by them and landed in the back of a conveniently placed hospital truck.

"Let's treat this little baby!" said a hospital guy as they drove away.

Tails had a light bulb go off. He hefted a jar of pickles and tossed it over the counter at the angry customers.

"AHHHHH!" They screamed in fright as they scattered out of the door.

"My pickles!" Shadow leaped over the counter, trying to catch his beloved pickle jar. But he jumped too late. The green juice was scattered everywhere as the pickle jar broke. Shadow desperately tried to pick up his pickles, scrambling around the restaurant floor. He looked up.

A fan girl was standing in front of him. She was slowly advancing towards him. Shadow tried to run away but his path was blocked. Every way he tried to go a fan girl stood in his way. The ocean of rabid fan-girls surrounded Shadow and carried him off to his doom. "SQUEAL! It's Shadow!" They all said dreamily as they hauled him away.

"Now what?" Sonic asked.

"How about we close for today! Is that fine with everyone?" Jade announced.

Everyone agreed and they walked out the door. No one even cared about Shadow. _The Hamster Dance _continued to play in the background as Sonic and his friends left their first day of work.

* * *

Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing! I hope you like this chapter too! I don't know, but I think I made Shadow a little OOC… but oh well! Adios! Tengo un bueno dia! 


	4. Lettuce Wrath, Couples, and Chihuahuas

Chapter 4: Lettuce Wrath, Couples, and Chihuahuas

Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own anything in this story except Elsie. Jade and Jynx belong to DramaQueen2000. Read her story "A Carazy World!" if you want to know more about this funny woman. Enjoy! Also sorry about any offensive stereotyping.

* * *

It was the day after everyone had left work early. Sonic and friends were all sitting around after leaving work early. Believe it or not, everyone actually thought working at "The Jade Palace" was an interesting experience.

Jade herself sat in a comfy armchair, writing in a notebook. She posed several interesting questions as she placed her thoughts on paper: _Will Shadow escape the fan-girl pack? Will Sonic ever manage to breed a teleporting chihuahua? Will Knuckles continue his life as a drag queen? Will I ever get home?_

Tails, who had been inconspicuously reading her shoulder, interrupted her. "Jade…? We're in your house right now."

Jade slammed the book shut, "Oh, right. I forgot Jynx rebuilt after the nuclear bombing!"

Jynx walked in dressed as a construction worker. "Damn right I rebuilt it!" she declared before walking out.

"Okay…," Tails said, "Shouldn't we get going, Jade? Work hours start at noon."

Jade glanced at her watch, "11:40! Crap! We won't make it on time!"

"So what? Not like anyone will come after what happened yesterday." Knuckles stated.

"We still have to be there! I don't want to disappoint my fans!" Jade talked as if everyone in the world knew who she was. "And Knuckles, you might want to lose the dress." She whispered to the echidna.

"Pah… You just wish you looked this good." Knuckles took of the garment and tossed it aside.

Sonic suddenly rushed into the room, clutching a chihuahua. "Hey guys! We can get to work on time by using my teleporting chihuahua. Here, everyone hold on to him."

Everyone placed a paw on the little dog; Cheese sat on Cream's shoulder.

Sonic tugged on the dogs' tail.

"Queso!" barked the dog as the team poofed in a flash of light.

The hedgehog hero peered at his surroundings.

A man wearing a sombrero shook a pair of maracas. A couple was yelling out "Aye carumba!" while dancing to salsa tunes.

"Something tells me this isn't right…" the blue hedgehog mumbled.

Tails slapped his forehead, "Duh! This is Mexico we're in, Sonic! Not Station Square!"

Sonic smiled as if he knew it all along, "Of course we are! Next please!" he said as he pulled the dogs' tail.

"Burgundy flip-flops!" barked the dog.

The group was on a mountaintop. Several men dressed in lederhosen were yodeling. A lady was standing under a booth that read "Zigeunerschnitzel."

Sonic rubbed his chin, "Hmmm…This might be it…"

Jade looked around, "Austria…maybe? Or Switzerland?"

Sonic commenced to pull the chihuahuas' tail.

"Sliced turkeys of ham and ginger! Away we go!" This little tidbit came from the chihuahua.

Sonic threw his arms wide at the new destination, "Here we are!"

Cream informed the mistaken hedgehog, "Mr. Sonic? We're in a tree!"

Elsie proceeded to push a tree branch out of her way. Brushing aside leaves, she looked down at the ground. "Hey guys! There's the Jade Palace, right next to us." Unfortunately the brightness of the sun started to plague her. "AHHH! Not the sun! Heeeeee!" she started to hiss at it like a vampire. The branch swung back at her with full force, knocking her off of the tree and to her supposed doom. "Aieeee!" The cowgirl screamed all the way down. She made contact with Mother Nature with a painful thud.

Jade dismissed the matter, "Well, at least we're here. Let's get out of the tree!" Everyone then proceeded to climb, fly, or jump out of the tree, Sonic being the only on witless enough to do the latter.

As everyone made their way inside in, Jade leaned down and helped up the twitching Elsie.

"Thanks for helping me, Jade! I thought I was a goner!" Elsie thanked her as she hobbled her way to work.

"Gee, from falling a whole ten feet? Golly, you were lucky to survive! Too bad it didn't kill you…" Jade told her sarcastically, adding the last part under her breath.

Elsie, of course, completely missed the sarcasm.

* * *

Jade was ordering out the shifts and positions for the next few hours. "Hey, Sonic and Amy, you can work the drive-thru. Tails and Cream, you guys wait at the counter for customers. Knuckles and Rouge, work the grill. Elsie… you can be the waitress again!"

Elsie whined, "But I had enough trouble with that yesterday! Shadow can be the waitress! I wanna work the drinks!"

"Hmm… yeah, that makes sense. Shadow is kinda girly anyway!" Jade nodded.

"Who's girly!" a voiceroared savagely from behind.

Everyone turned and looked in shock. Shadow had kicked the door open. He looked very, VERY angry and even more so harassed. He had several smears of lipstick all over his face, giving him a comical look. His eyes were crazy and bloodshot. His hands were covered in blood and his fur was torn in several places, as if he had been the subject of a game of tug-o-war.

Jade ran up to him, "Ah! Shadow! You're okay!" She said as she embraced him.

Shadow tossed away the severed fan-girls head and the chainsaw so he could hug her back. "Jade, I missed you too!" As he was, he shot everyone else an evil glare over Jade's shoulder.

Jade looked at him. It was a romantic moment. Their eyes were all a shimmer and sparklies were floating around the pair. Sebastian and all his friends were singing in the background, "You gotta kiss de girl."

Jade yelled at them, "Scram, fishes! Do I look like Ariel to you?"

"Oh, sorry." (I don't have anything against The Little Mermaid. One of my fave Disney movies.)

Jade whispered in a sultry voice, "I love you Shadow."

Shadows' eyes widened. "You do? Really?"

"Of course I do!" Having claimed that, she drew out alead pipe and bashed him on the head, then threw him over the counter. "Now get to work!"

Tails whispered in Creams' ear, "She probably meant 'I love to torture you!'" Cream giggled at this.

Shadow got up in a rage. "What did you say, fox-boy?"

Tails started, "I just told Cream that you have to be the waitress for today. She laughed at that, right Cream?" He elbowed Cream lightly.

"Yes, of course, Mr. Shadow." Cream giggled.

Shadow stalked over to Elsie. "So, I have to work with you today, eh?"

Elsie's ears slumped down, "Yep! Sad, huh?"

Shadow eyes were focused somewhere else. Sonic was talking to someone in the drive through. Shadow thought, "_I can tolerate this a little longer. Soon I will have my chance to kill Sonic once and for all! _MWAHAHAHAH!" He did not know that he accidentally laughed out loud.

"Shadow? What are you laughing at?" Elsie implored, looking at him as if he was a total nutcase.

"Erm… you look funny!" Shadow declared, trying to excuse his real reason for laughing.

Elsie ran away from the counter, "Waaahhhh! No one likes me!" Sobbing, she ran to the door and tried to leave. But she ran into someone.

"Here, let me help you up!" The person bent down and lent her a hoof.

Elsie wiped away her tears. "Thank you." The realization of who was helping her dawned on her. "Joanne!"

"Elsie!"exclaimed the giraffe. They clasped hooves (how does that work?) and started to jump up and down excitedly. Of course, since Joanne was so tall, she hit her head on the top wall with each upward jump. This series of repeated contact with the ceiling of the Jade Palace left her brain damaged far beyond repair.

"Oh, uh, sorry. You sure have grown taller!"

"Yeah, too tall for my own good." The dizzy giraffe murmured, rubbing her head. "I heard that you were working here… so I decided to stop by! Can I help in any way?"

Elsie shook her head, "Are you sure you want to? This place is full of bad influences," She pointed to Shadow, "drag-queens," Knuckles, "and slutty jewel thieves!" We all know who that is.

Joanne smiled goofily, "Can I still help?"

Elsie sighed resolutely, "If you really want to…" She handed her an outfit. "Get changed and get behind the counter."

* * *

Sonic turned to the drive-thru window. "Here's your order! Have a good day!" Turning to Amy, he handed her a wad of cash. "Can you put that in the register, Ames?"

Amy nodded and walked over to the register to the pair of kids, instructing them on how to use the cash machine.

Shadows' eyes gleamed evilly. "This is my chance!" He took a large knife and flung it at Sonic's head. Sonic noticed something on the floor and bent to pick it up. The knife flew over his head and stuck in the wall.

Sonic stood back up, examining the item he found. "A piece of blue bubble gum? Meh." He threw the thing away. Looking around, he saw the knife stuck in the wall behind him. "Ooh! A knife!" he said it like finding a knife sticking in the wall next to you was an everyday occurrence.

Shadow growled, "How could I miss? Fine! I will try fire! MUAHAHAH!" Pulling out his trusty flamethrower, Shadow aimed at Sonic. "Eat this!"

"Oh yeah!" Sonic reminded himself, "Need to go find Elsie!" He then rushed away.

"AGGH!" Shadow cried, desperately trying to rework the weapon so it fired in Sonic's direction. But he failed, and the resulting flames melted half of the drive-thru window.

"Oops…" Shadow said as if didn't really matter, tossing the flamethrower away. He pulled out his best and most trusty weapon; pickle jars.

Elsie looked her giraffe friend up and down, "Good work, Joanne! Let's put you to work."

"This feels weird…" the giraffe girl complained. "Can I help Tails and Cream at the counter?"

"If you want to." Elsie shrugged, skipping over to the kitchens.

The door swung open and in walked two mongoose; Ash and Mina! Mina walked up to the counter, tugging his arm. Ash looked as if he had been dragged reluctantly.

"Come on, Ash!" Mina pouted, pulling her boyfriend/manager further along.

Ash's eyes narrowed, "Mina… This is Sonic we're talking about. Cooking. Sonic and cooking are two words that should never be put in the same sentence together. Ever."

"Aww, c'mon, Ash! It can't be that bad. Who's to say Sonic is behind the grill?"

"Yeah, you're right, songbird. Look." Ash said, pointing to a scene behind the counter. "It seems to me that instead of Sonic cooking, Shadow is trying to choke him with pickles."

Shadow had leaped on top of Sonic, wielding a pickle. The black and red hedgehog rammed the pickle in Sonic's mouth. Shadow then proceeded to stuff as many of the green food as possible in his adversaries' mouth, desperately trying to choke him on pickles.

Amy charged up behind them, wielding Shadow's pickle jar. "You idiot! Leave Sonic alone!" With that, she brought the pickle jar crashing down on Shadow's head. He slid to the floor, where Amy promptly started to maul him with her hammer. "This'll teach you to mess with Sonic!" she snarled as she bashed the hell out of him with her weapon.

Cream turned away from the violence, "Just ignore them. What will be your order today?" sheinquired smiling sweetly.

Ash scanned the menu, "I'll have the Mini Circular Tomato Doughy Thing." Jade Translation: Mini Pan Pizza stolen from Pizza Hut.

Mina nodded, "I'll have the same please."

Tails took the money, placed it in the cash register, and gave them their change. "It'll be done soon."

Cream popped up and launched a lettuce leaf at them. It landed on Mina's head, getting tangled in her purple hair. Mina started to freak and run around in circles. "Ah! Get it out of my beautiful purple locks! Get it out! Get it out!

"Er… Cream?" Joanne asked, eyeing her weirdly.

"Oh yeah!" Cream cried, ripping off her dress to reveal… a Scarlet Witch get-up. (What, you thought she would be naked?) "Taste the wrath of my hex-bolt!" She then explained her reasons for the lettuce leaf attack. "It's supposed to bring good luck. That is the Scarlet Witches' power; to amplify luck."

Ash stared at her as he reached up to pluck the lettuce leaf from his girlfriends head. "Okay, you just do that. C'mon Mina, let's sit down."

Mina shook her head, "I feel like dancing for some reason."

Warning: RENT moment!

* * *

Suddenly the room morphed into a ball room, full of people dancing. Several couples were dancing. Sonic and Amy, Tails and Cream, Knuckles and Rouge, Shadow…was still half-comatose on the floor, twitching and bleeding. Several dancers stepped on his body as they tangoed across the floor.

Joanne and Elsie were at the forefront, dressed in evening gowns. Ash was in a snazzy tuxedo while Mina was in a red sparkly evening outfit.

Both the cow and giraffe burst into song, alternating verses: (This is probably a really weird moment. But I love RENT so much I just had to do this.)

_Both:_

_When you're dancing her dance  
You don't stand a chance  
Her grip of romance makes you fall _

Elsie:

_So you think, might as well... _Elsie took Mina and started to tango with her.

Joanne:

_...dance a tango to hell _Joanne took Mina and spun her away toward Ash.

Both:

_"At least I'll have tangoed at all"  
The Tango Maureen  
Gotta dance 'til your diva is through  
You pretend to believe her 'cause in the end - you can't leave her  
But the end it will come  
Still you have to play dumb  
'Til you're glum and you bum  
And turn blue _

Elsie:

_Why do we love when she's mean? _At this point Mina punched Ash in the face. 

Joanne:

_And she can be obscene _As if in a makeup gesture, she took him by the arms and literally started to suck his face off. _  
My Maureen _

Both:

_The Tango Maureen!_

The room morphed back to normal. Mina just walked over to a booth and sat down. "What was all that about?"

Ash shook his head, "I really don't know… weird, though."

* * *

Elsie walked over there with both of their piping hot plates. "Here you go! Enjoy!" She was grinning and singing as she hopped back to the kitchens. Turning to Joanne, she giggled. "That was fun. We should do that more often."

Joanne nodded, suddenly toppling backwards. She had mistakenly leaned backwards in the meat cleaver, thinking it was a wall.

Elsie screamed, "NO!"

Joanne was shredded to bits in an instant, blood shooting, meat flying and splatting against the wall, and ultimately ground to chopped… veal? beef? Nah, let's leave it at chopped giraffe.

Elsie started to sob hysterically. "Wahhhhh!"

Everyone rushed in the kitchens to hear about the commotion and was witness to the horrible sight. Elsie was sobbing and covered in blood.

"What happened?" Jade questioned, rushing to her cow friend.

"My only friend just fell into the meat cleaver!" she wailed, tears flowing.

Shadow tried to keep a straight face but burst out laughing. "What a stupid way to die! Idiot!"

Everyone glared daggers at him.

"What?" he replied innocently, as if was totally appropriate to laugh at how someone died.

"C'mon, Elsie, lets leave. Work hours are over anyway." They left the restaurant, everyone sad at the departure of their giraffe friend. Mina and Ash ran up to them, worried.

"Are you okay?" Mina asked with a concerned look.

"Can we help?" asked Ash.

"Hey, you guys haven't paid yet. Fork it over!" Jade demanded, always the entrepreneur.

"Jade!" Elsie wailed.

"Oh, all right!" Jade sighed, exasperated at her friend. It was money, after all.

Everyone headed home, sad about Joanne's fate.

* * *

How will everyone react to losing Joanne? Wasn't it convenient that she fell in as the restaurant was closing? Well, see ya next post. 


	5. Requiem for a Giraffe

Chapter 5: Requeim for a Giraffe

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognize…except for Elsie. Jade belongs to DramaQueen20000, so read her story "A Carazy World" for more info! It is now finished and has a good ending! This chapter is somewhat more serious than the others…but hopefully there will be some funny stuff in it. Enjoy!

* * *

The whole crew stood outside of the lonely little church. It was Sunday, one of the days which "The Jade Palace" was closed, so the funeral services were taking place that weekend. They had trouble finding the body, namely because there was no body. But everyone had tried to find the slabs of flesh that most closely resembled Joanne. 

Jade watched in silence as the casket bearers bore the open casket. If she had died a normal way, her hooves would be folded over the chest, her eyes would be closed, and she would be smiling. But, since getting chopped up by a meat cleaver is as far from normal as you can get, they had settled for arranging the slices in a neat little giraffe shaped pile. Gruesome sight, really.

Tails and Cream, the youngest ones, had been crying all day. Though they hadn't known Joanne for maybe longer than a day, they were still sad. Both of them were sniffling and their eyes were red and puffy.

Sonic merely stared at the ground awkwardly, cuffing his feet. Amy was standing next to him, rubbing her eyes. The whole gang, except for two, were either sniffing or staring at the ground. Rouge was more interested in the jewels on her bracelet, while Shadow was shaking with mirth. (Not very nice, is he?)

Elsie was wailing into her black dress the whole time the casket was being borne into the church. She was wearing a black mourning garb, and she had a black hat with a veil. It was really hard for her to lose her close friend like that.

Several of Joanne's family members were sitting impassively in the pews, a few of the younger ones pointing at the stack of meat. "Wow, Mommy, look at Joanne's hairstyle!" The children didn't understand that they had lost someone in their family.

The casket was borne up to the center of the room. They delicately laid it on the raised area, and then retreated. There was an eerie silence in the room, almost stifling. No one felt like talking, because everyone thought it would disrupt the moment.

Except for Rouge. She babbled on to herself, "Ah! That cheap skate! He said these diamonds were real! See if he tries to pull a once over on me again… I'll teach him to trick a jewel thief." The albino bat continued to examine her jewelry looking for fake jewels.

The entire congregation glared at her.

"What? Fine, I'll shut up." The jewel thief flew to the ceiling and hung upside down, examining her jewels from there.

* * *

A human pastor stood before them, but instead of being dressed in robes and having the cross, he was dressed in a pair of overalls. He exuded emotion and power with every word, "I know the death of the young woman is hard." Suddenly he pulled out a torch and a pitchfork. "But we can avenge her! Who's with me?" 

Everyone stared at this guy, dumbfounded.

He lowered the weapons, "This _is _the Peasant Riot Reenactment day, right?"

More dumb stares.

"So this is a church?"

Several nods.

"And I'm presiding over a funeral?"

Nods from the congregation again.

"So there is a body in the casket?" He asked them, tipping over and peering inside. "Ewww…" He turned back to the crowd. "Well, I'll just be on my way! Ta ta!" The pastor/peasant guy gave a friendly wave and walked out the door.

* * *

Jade beckoned to Elsie, "Why don't you get up and say something?" 

Elsie muttered through her tears, "I'm just so sad… I can't…"

Jades' eye twitched briefly, before she whispered to Elsie. "Elsie, listen. My sanity is starting to pack and move to Bangladesh. Now go up there and end this and I won't have to introduce you to my friends Sophie…," she pulled out an atomic eyelash curler, "and Amber." She finished, pulling out a toilet brush.

"Amber! I'll protect you! Release her, you harlot!" Shadow leaped in Jades direction, trying to rescue his beloved…toilet brush.

Jade sidestepped and smacked Shadow on the head with "Amber". Jade smiled amiably, waving the weapon in front of Elsie's puffy eyes, "See? Toilet brushes hurt like hell."

Elsie marched darkly up to the podium, muttering something about, "…see if you are that way once I get Princess Banana Hamack."

She spoke to everyone in the room, "Erm… Joanne was my best friend… we loved RENT… so I was thinking we could sing her favorite song from it to honor her…" Some random person on the piano started to play the tune for "I'll Cover You (Reprise)" from RENT.

_Elsie  
Live in my house. I'll be your shelter  
Just pay me back with one thousand kisses  
Be my lover, and I'll cover you  
Open your door I'll be your tenant  
Don't got much baggage to lay at your feet  
But sweet kisses I've got to spare  
I'll be there and I'll cover you  
I think they meant it  
When they said you can't buy love  
Now I know you can rent it  
A new lease, you are, my love, on life  
All my life I've longed to discover  
Something as true as this is yeah. _

Jade  
So with a thousand sweet kisses  
I'll cover you

Elsie  
If you're cold and you're lonely

Jade  
With a thousand sweet kisses  
I'll cover you

Elsie  
You've got one nickel only

Jade  
With a thousand sweet kisses  
I'll cover you

Elsie  
When you're worn out and tired

ALL  
With a thousand sweet kisses  
I'll cover you

Elsie  
When your heart has expired

ALL  
Oh lover I'll cover you  
Oh lover I'll cover you  
Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes  
Five hundred twenty-five thousand seasons of love

Elsie  
I will cover you

After the heart rending, tear jerking, absolutely BAD rendition of that song, Rouge raised her hand in a question, "Elsie?"

"Yes?" Elsie asked, sniffing and rubbing her eyes.

"Are you a lesbian?"

"No…why?"

"Just wondering… that song kind of implied it." Rouge went back to examining her jewelry upside down.

A gunshot suddenly echoed throughout the church. With a collective gasp, the congregation eyed the altar.

Elsie's body lay draped over the casket. Blood lay dripping from the bullet hole in her temple. A piece of brain matter lay on the floor, and other fluids dribbled out of her head. In other words… she was dead.

* * *

Jade suddenly leaped on Shadow furiously, bashing him with her assortment of weapons. "Shadow, why did you kill her?" She gritted through her teeth as each word was accentuated with a whack from Amber the toilet brush, a bludgeon from Sophie the atomic eyelash curler, or a squeak from a Jigglypuff doll named Princess Banana Hamack. 

"Is it your period or something? I didn't kill Elsie!" Shadow desperately shielded his face from Jade's assault.

"Sure you didn't! You have a gun, for Jynx's sake!" Jade told him, this time striking him with a steel fan, cat-o-nine tails, and a large tree branch.

"Was I just included?" Jynx wondered, popping up out of nowhere.

"Go away!" Jade yelled. She shot Jynx in the neck with a tranquilizer and tossed her out the window and into the conveniently placed ravine next to the church. Jade turned back to Shadow, grinning maliciously. "Now where were we?" Jade pulled out her favorite weapon…a bubble wand.

"Jade? Why do you-Agh! My eyes! My beautiful, crimson, broody eyes! They BURN!" Shadow cried in agony as Jade blew bubbles right in his face. Wiping the soap away, he glared at her. "Why do you think I did it?"

"Well, for one, you have a gun."

Shadow guiltily hid the weapon behind his back.

"Two, the gun is emitting smoke, and the flash when it fired came from your direction."

"Nonsense! I was just playing target practice with… birds! That's it!" Taking his gun, he fired at a passing sparrow but completely missed.

"Three, you are evil."

"Oh, you really think so? Er, no, wait! Jade!"

His protests fell on deaf ears as Jade hoisted him above her head. "Go to hell, Shadow!" She roared as she threw the red and black hedgehog out the window. (My, my, violent, isn't she?)

Shadow landed with a dull thud on the grass outside. He rose to his feet, yelling and shaking his fist at Jade, "I'm not in hell! You failed!"

Suddenly Shadow saw fan girls surround him. He panicked, "Agh! Didn't I kill you all?"

All of the fan-girls had a sickly green pallor to their skin, were moaning, shuffled along the ground, and some were even missing their heads. They closed in on Shadow, who despite his super speed was too paralyzed with shock to move. Several disembodied voices gave a zombified squeal, "OMG! It's Shadow! Again!"

Shadow was screaming and crying for mercy as he was carried away by the zombie fan-girls. Jade winked and waved as he disappeared in the distance, "Looks like your close enough to me!"

A voice suddenly gave an evil laugh that rang across the church, "Laugh laugh laugh laugh! Elsie is finally dead!"

* * *

I know… this chapter wasn't very funny and it was probably very odd... but at least it's up. Have a good day, and don't forget to review. 


	6. After The Gloom

Chapter 6: After the Gloom

**AN: I'm so sorry… I have had some ideas for this, but again, I can't focus! Agh! Not only that, but school starts in a week, I have lost a friend to talk to, and I have the attention span of a squirrel. But, now I lay upon you Ch. 6 of this epic, magnificent, superfluous story! Also I don't own Jade/Jynx (DramaQueen20000 does).**

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Everyone heard the evil laugh ring throughout the church, filling the room with malice. "Laugh laugh laugh laugh! Elsie is finally dead!" 

Three thoughts rose on everyone's mind: Who killed Elsie? Who would want her dead? Would the Dead or Alive film suck?

Regardless, anyone who laughed like that would have to be insane.

A little boy giraffe pointed upwards as a figure swooped down from the ceiling. "Hey, look Mom! Duna duna duna duna Batman!" (Sorry if I butchered that.)

Rouge's eyes narrowed as she approached, "Does Batman have these?" She said, cupping her breasts.

The little kid looked awkwardly at the floor, "Oh, sorry."

"Besides," Rouge sang out, smiling, "my theme song would be like this! Tra la la! Loop de doo! Billabong ding dong! Orange Sherbet!" Rouge danced across the floor on tiptoe, performing many elegant pirouettes.

There was a jostling of pews and rustling of clothes as the congregation stood up and prepared to exit. Apparently they were just going to leave Elsie there, lying as she was. Footsteps echoed across the room as everyone walked out.

Tails whispered to Jade as the group moved forward, "Shouldn't we do something for Elsie?"

Jade was examining her fingernails, "Like what?"

"Hmm… I don't know. Maybe _bury_ her?"

Jade looked at him like he was some kind of mutated parabola, "Nah. If I was Elsie, I would want to feel the air, not be buried underground."

"How would you know? You'd be dead." Tails retorted, marveling at Jade's pure lack of sense.

"Trust me; I know these things, y'know?" Jade returned, nodding wisely. That was the end of the matter.

Tails sighed, looking backwards at the fallen bovine. She looked so pitiful, a hole through head. Tails looked away, tears on the verge of falling. "Goodbye, Elsie."

But of course, the emotion and sincerity of this moment was totally ruined by Rouge. She noticed that people were coming her way. Panicking, she pressed herself against the wall, eyes wide, and began to make siren like sounds. "Wee ooh wee ooh wee ooh." Rouge was confident that her excellent stealth skills were keeping her hidden, but she did not realize that she was standing in plain sight making noises like a two year old. Everyone who passed her started to whisper about the bat, making fun of her. Once everyone had passed, she skipped out, improvising like a total idiot. "Ba da da, da da da, bee de da da, bud da da da." Yes, Rouge has her own theme song.

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Jade walked up to her house, sighing. Today had been an exasperating, not to mention sad, day. She walked up to the door and opened it, plopping down immediately in her favorite chair. The whole group followed her inside, and instantly began debating on what to do for amusement. Shadow, panting and wheezing, covered in zombie lipstick, staggered inside and collapsed. No one was paying any attention to him, though. 

Cream raised her hand and gave a suggestion, "Why not play dress up?"

Knuckles began jumping up and down like a giddy school girl, "Ooh, let's!" Everyone watched in bewilderment as Knuckles and Cream took hands and began to skip away… to play dress up.

Tails broke the silence awkwardly, "How about we watch a movie?"

Sonic shrugged, "What movies do we have to watch?"

Tails walked over to Jade's TV, opening a cabinet near it. He fished through the movies, reading out the names of the titles. "Hmm… there's _Finding Nemo_." He muttered, showing the cover to Sonic.

Sonic shrieked and ran to the corner, sitting down. "No… not Nemo… never again… I can't watch anymore Nemo!" He cried out desperately, sucking his thumb and rocking back and forth.

Tails raised an eyebrow, "No Nemo, huh? Okay then…" Rummaging through the impossibly large DVD collection that happened to be Jades', he picked another title. "_She's the Man?"_

"Nah." Amy and Shadow said in unison.

Tails gave Shadow a strange look. "Aren't you supposed to be collapsed on the floor?"

Shadow shrugged, "What? I have super fast regenerative chaos powers!"

"Hey, how did you escape from the fan girls again?" Amy queried, staring Shadow in the eyes.

"Well, I do have super speed, so obviously I was able to outrun shuffling zombies. This helped too." Shadow explained, pulling out a battle axe covered in blood and guts.

"So while you were heroically swinging that thing around, zombie fan girls would creep up with murderous intent in their eyes… and give you smooches?" Tails asked, nearly snorting with mirth.

"Fine! No appreciation around here! At least I still have Claudia!" Shadow cried out huffily, crossing his arms. He marched off to play Romancing SaGa.

Their attention was diverted as Jade let out a screech. They turned around to see her rising from her favorite chair. The hand holding her book was shaking with anger, and her face was red with fury. She turned in the direction of the kitchen and shouted angrily, "Jynx!"

The strawberry blonde popped up with a chef's hat perched on her head and a squirming lobster in her hand. "What is it?"

Jade hissed evilly at her best friend, "You left the butter pat in the chair! Do you know what that means, Jynx?"

The other girl closed her eyes, thinking hard. Having a good idea, she spoke, "We serve your pants as the side dish!" she smiled, but the grin faded when Jade lunged at her.

"Wrong answer, Jynx! I'm gonna kill you!" With a feral roar, she started to chase her best friend maniacally around the house.

The duo ran wildly throughout the house. When Jynx passed through the kitchen, she launched the lobster into the pot and set it to boil. "Not before the lobster is done!" She screamed before resuming being chased for her life.

Tails and Amy settled down on the couch, ignoring the various screeches, crashes, and explosions throughout the house. The theme "One Winged Angel" began to play as the image of a silver haired man appeared on the screen. Tails pressed play on the remote, calling to Cream in her room and asking her if she wanted to watch.

"Sure!" Cream called out, grabbing Knuckles by the hand and tugging him along. Emerging from the room, she led Knux to the couch and sat down on the floor, the red echidna sitting near her. While Cream was dressed in her normal dress, the guardian's outfit was disturbing, to say the least. Knuckles was decked out in a ballerina outfit, pink tutu and all. On his head was a glittery pink princess tiara, and he was waving around a little toy wand with a star on the tip. Amy was giggling madly at his antics, and Tails was shaking with mirth, tears streaming down his face at the hilarity of it all. Cream was smiling all the while.

The movie started, opening with that creepy Lifestream thing and Marlene's voice. Cream stood up to get some popcorn, walking out toward the kitchen. She passed Jade on the way, who had her back to Cream and was fiddling with something.

"Hi Jade!" Cream said merrily, waving.

Jade turned around in surprise, hiding it behind her back. She greeted the rabbit. "Hey Cream!"

"I was getting some popcorn. Do you want to come with me?"

Jade nodded, "Yeah just let me take care of this." As Cream was receding into the kitchen, Jade ran towards the door and kicked it open. Hauling the object, she tossed it out and into the ravine. Turning away, she chortled evilly. "That will teach her to leave butter in my chair! Adieu, mon ami! "

She walked away as Jynx fell down the ravine, wailing. "But the lobster isn't done yeeeettttt…"

* * *

The gang watched in trepidation, as Tifa and Marlene walked into the church. The CGI was so beautiful in the movie, realistically conveying the characters emotions and expressions. Gasps were heard as the flowers swayed in the middle of the church. Suddenly, the worst thing that could ever happen during the movie happened. Marlene spoke. 

"Gah! She still speaks!" Knuckles sank to the ground, clutching his pink tiara. "Why are we tortured with such an annoying voice? Why doesn't Marlene die the most painful death imaginable!" Knuckles cried, rolling around in agony. He tore out tufts from his tutu as he continued to lament.

At this point, Sonic offered up some wisdom. "Because she is this' movies 'it's all about me' character. There was Dawn from _Buffy the Vampire Slayer_, Connor from _Angel_, Rouge from our group, etc." Rouge shook her fist threateningly in Sonic's face as he said that. Sonic happened to notice Knuckles' ensemble. "Er… Knuckles, what's with the frilly dress?"

Knuckles rolled around some more on the floor before commenting, "Can't I have a feminine side? Besides, it's not a dress, it is a tutu!" Knuckles then rushed out of the room, sobbing. Woe is he.

Sonic shrugged, turning his attention back to _Advent Children_. The fight scene between Tifa and Loz was winding down, when the part where Tifa landed against the wall was paused. Sonic brought up a question. "Okay, Tifa can withstand being swung around, her head mashed into two pews, thrown into a wall, do a stylish flip against it and still remain conscious? That wimpy Aeris chick can't even survive a sword through the stomach."

Tails replied, "Because Aeris was a 'mage' character; they are supposed to die in one hit. Maybe that is why they killed her. Either that, or Aeris was extremely hated and they decided to go and off her."

Jade entered the conversation, "Or maybe the designers were sexist because they know Aeris, Yuffie, and Tifa were all kick ass women."

Tails rolled eyes, "Please, Jade, bring some logic to the conversation."

A young woman with wavy brown hair and a fluttery dress suddenly appeared out of nowhere, perched on the window ledge. She looked like she was about to jump out the window. She placed her hand to her brow dramatically, and spoke. "I have been mistreated for far, far too long. I am the voice of reasoning, yet you make no attempt to use me. We have not spent any time together in a long while." Apparently, she was talking to everyone in the room.

Tails looked at her, "Logic, we just talked last week."

The young woman looked away, "Excluding you, my dear. I must leave now. Goodbye!" Wings suddenly sprouted from her back, and she leaped out the window. They heard the beat of wings and the woman took off.

Jade eyed her place of departure strangely. "Okay, what just happened?"

Tails shrugged, turning back to the TV. "Logic just flew out the window." The whole group heard a dismayed screech and a splintering noise as the young woman ran into a tall specimen of oak outside Jade's house. "And crashed into a tree."

Suddenly, an incredibly buff and tan shirtless man with tight leather pants sprinted through the room, earning some ogles from the girls in the room. He dashed to the windowsill and proclaimed, "Do not worry, Logic! I will come to your rescue!" With that, he charged out of the window, and instantly plummeted to the ground and into a clump of bushes.

Shadow commented without looking away from the screen, "Followed by Masculinity." Everyone stared at the black and red hedgehog as he said this. "What? I have manliness issues…" his voice faded away as he tried to offer an explanation.

The door creaked open. Everyone gazed at the doorway as it swung open, revealing two figures. One was incredibly tall, while the other one was short.

The shorter figure said happily, "Ooh, a movie! Is there any popcorn?" Its question was left unanswered. "I guess that's a no." Attempting another shot at conversation, the figure asked. "What movie is this?" More silence.

The shorter figure noticed everyone was staring at its head. It felt all around, feeling for any disfigurements or bumps. She felt a little bump on her temple and some wetness, but that was all. Stepping out of the shadows with brain oozing down her face, Elsie asked her friends, "What? Is something on my face?"

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**Again, I am sorry that I haven't updated this. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, but I can't help but feel it's getting a little too random. Also the Nemo thing is from my baby cousin… it's the only movie she will watch when she's over, and almost the only thing that will get her to sleep. And sometimes we have to watch it twice. Since she is over usually every day, you can imagine how much Nemo I have had to put up with… Sorry if that sounded ranty. Enjoy. **


	7. Anything but Sensible!

Chapter 7: Anything but sensible!

**AN: Yep. I am updating! Yay! Sorry if you waited for this. Remember, I don't own anything except Elsie. DramaQueen20000 owns Jade and Jynx, Sega owns Sonic and co., while my brother owns Joanne**.

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"What? You're staring at me like I have brain dripping down my face." Elsie complained, feeling her face once again. Some of the gooey mess landed on her hoof, making her jump slightly. "Oh. I do." Scrutinizing the gray matter, she tossed it out the window.

Everyone stared open mouthed at the pair, bewildered and shocked. How would you feel if two dead friends walked into your house and wanted to watch Final Fantasy: Advent Children with you? Probably exactly like Jade and everyone. It was the owner of the house who leaped forward, holding a holy cross as if to ward them away.

"Thou shall not pass, zombie freak!" Jade hollered, holding the crucifix in front of her like a shield. She would be damned if zombies were getting into HER house.

"Ooh, look. It burns as it ineffectually clanks against my hoof." Joanne declared dryly, walking forward. She moved her front leg against the cross, it made clacking sounds as it knocked against her foot.

Jade stared disbelievingly at the giraffe, "What? No excruciating screams of agony?"

"Nope, just a splinter or two."

"No bursting into righteous flames and dissolving into ashes?"

"Sorry to disappoint you." The brown and tan checkered mammal shrugged.

"Stupid cross." Jade hurled it away, folding her arms. "So much for Judgment of God! That just totally ruined my day." The raven haired hostess sat down in her chair.

Sonic eyed Elsie strangely, "Shouldn't you be dead? I mean we saw Shadow shoot you. And brain was- sorry, still _is- _falling out of your skull. Tell me again how you are alive?"

Elsie nodded, accidentally sending more brain plummeting to the floor. "Oh, sorry. Actually, Shadow didn't kill me." Shadow gave everyone an in-your-face look. "It was…," pausing for dramatic effect, the bovine turned on her heel and boomed out, pointing at… "Rouge!" A collective gasp arose from the crowd, before eyes cast on masse on the jewel hunting bat.

She looked up from examining her jewels, surprised, and asked in an innocent tone, "What?"

Shadow pointed an accusing finger at Rouge, and yelled, "You killed Elsie! Now I am off the hook! Therefore you should get dragged off by the zombie fangirls!" The ebony hedgehog lunged for Rouge, as if to harm her and haul her to the zombies.

"Excuse me? Was that your extremely subtle attempt to insult my sexuality? " Rouge vociferated in an offended manner. As the red and black hedgehog moved closer, Rouge drew back her foot, and responded with the biggest bitch kick (yes, a bitch kick) in the face. The powerful impact of batgirls iron boots sent Shadow flying out the window, where he was promptly impaled on a tree branch from the very same oak tree that Jade planted. Blood gushed forth from his mouth as he twitched, and with a shuddering sigh he closed his eyes and welcomed the eternal sleep that we call death. Actually, that last part didn't happen. But Shadow did get impaled on a tree branch, and it hurt. But let's leave him to suffer for now.

"How can we be so sure about that?" Cream wondered, looking at the deranged cow.

"By this!" Elsie cried out triumphantly. She pulled out a tape recorder, and pressed the play button. "No! NO! I did NOT kill 500 chickens by chopping their heads off, just to see them run around headless. You have to believe me!" A voice rang out, crackling on the recorder. Everyone stared at Elsie as she blushed. "Sorry. That's the wrong recording, ignore it!" She pressed another button, this time playing back Rouge's voice.

"President! That aggravating cow is dead!"

An older, more mature voice replied. "Why did you kill her again?"

"Her singing voice! Ahh! It is so terrible! She was singing from RENT the entire time, you know with Adam Pascal and Rosario Dawson…. and she sucked! It made my ears bleed!"

A surprised tone came from the recorder, "Your ears can bleed? Hmm, that's nice. Yeah, sure, carry on. Wait, is that the only reason you tried to blow her head off?"

Rouges voice sounded haughty, "Of course not! You know I always have at least TWO reasons to kill someone. She was the person who beheaded 500 chickens just to see them run around headless, remember?" The recording ended with this statement, Elsie shaking her head furiously with the last part, as if to deny Rouge's claim.

Rouge started to sweat as her friends glared at her, and backed away cautiously. "Come one, aren't we taking this a bit too seriously? It's not like I did it out of spite… you guys would too if your ears were this big." Realizing this was a futile attempt at consolation, Rouge sighed and unfurled her wings. "Okay, you know what? Obviously, I made a mistake. How bout I leave for now, repent and all that fun stuff, and come back later?" Without waiting for an answer, Rouge took flight out the window. As she sailed off, she looked at the ground. "Hey, I can see Manliness and Logic chasing each other… Whoa! The wind sure is strong today. No, not in that direction! AIEEEE!" Everyone heard a frightened wail as Rouge was buffeted about the wind, tumbling through the skies. She twirled head over heels, before finally coming in contact with the same oak tree branch that Shadow had. Instead of hearing a horrible death scream because of impalement, the group heard an exasperated screech, and a popping noise.

"Mrs. Jade, what was that noise? Balloons?" Cream inquired sweetly, wondering what the source of the noise was.

"No, it was Rouge's fake breasts popping." Jade explained, as if the fact was incredibly obvious.

"Fake? You mean to tell me her large boobies were FAKE!" Knuckles roared in disbelief before being silenced by the disgusted glares of everyone. "What? I like my women busty." Knuckles nodded enthusiastically, before Amy's hammer swung from behind and crashed into his head, knocking him out.

"That's enough from you, pervert!" Amy cried, crossing her arms. She turned back to Jade, "What exactly do you mean, Jade?"

The girl rolled her eyes, then started to explain. "It's simple, really. Rouge's large fakes cushioned her chest from impacting on the branch, but they popped with all the pressure exerted on them."

"I knew they weren't real! There's no way they could get that large on their own." Amy scoffed.

The focus turned back to Elsie and her companion as Sonic asked, "Okay, we know who killed- er, tried to- kill you. How are you still living right now?"

"Actually, it's all because of some sorcerer guy. He found me and Joanne dead as a doornail. He was that guy who controlled all of those fan-girls who bothered Shadow-"

"I knew it!" Shadow yelled from his position on the tree branch, "fan-girls usually aren't that hard to kill!" Tails walked over to the window and slid it shut, to silence Shadow's outburst as well as drown out Rouge's lament about her once large chest.

"The guy used some necromancy and resurrected us, somehow piecing her," she pointed at Joanne, "back together." Elsie continued her narrative, "He wanted us to fight as part of his undead army shtick and help him take over the world, but Joanne and I laid some smack down on him and threw his sorry ass down the ravine!" Elsie finished, a completely serious look on her face. Everyone stared open mouthed at her story.

Suddenly Elsie and Joanne both burst into raucous laughter, Elsie smiling through her giggles. "Ha! You actually believed me? Wow, you guys are easy." Calming down, Elsie glanced around, noticing the frustrated and hurt expressions on her friend's faces. She apologized, "Sorry about that, you guys. Anyways, here is the real story." She took her hoof and knocked it against the top of her head, evidencing her next words as the impact made hollow noises, "I have an incredibly thick skull. The bullet didn't actually penetrate that far into my cranium. I managed to fish the bullet out later."

Tails examined Elsie closely before commenting, "But you have lost some of your brain, Elsie."

Elsie dismissed the matter like it was unimportant, "Pfft. I never used that part anyway." The bovine girl turned to the house owner, questioning, "Hey Jade? Do you mind if I use your bathroom to clean up? I'm kind of messy…" Elsie explained, motioning to her face and funeral garb.

"Sure, go ahead." Jade nodded. Elsie bowed in thanks, then she skipped away, singing, "No day but today!"

The group cast their eyes at Joanne, waiting for an explanation from the giraffe. She turned around, showing them her tail. It was wrapped in sterile gauze with dried blood staining the part where it was attached. Moving back to face everyone, she offered a meek vindication of her story. "I didn't actually die… the meat cleaver just chopped my tail off. I didn't actually fall all the way in because I'm too tall." (AN: Remember, she did hit her head on the ceiling…)

"Then who was that at the funeral home? What exactly were all those slabs?" Sonic inquired.

"I guess we gave all our meats a proper burial." Tails shrugged, turning around to help Knuckles off the ground, who had recovered from the blow dealt to his head.

Rubbing his head, Knuckles added, "Shouldn't we go get them? We need those for tomorrow."

"But Tails had an invention… that could make any food, right?" Jade replied.

"But I haven't ironed out the kinks yet, it still has to have ingredients." Tails explained. "We do need to get them, or else we're out of beef for tomorrow."

"Well, let's go then." Sonic sighed resolutely, rushing out of the house. Everyone followed behind him, including Elsie, who had finished cleaning up in the bathroom. As the group exited the house, they noted Shadow was squirming in pain in the tree, with Rouge slumped dejectedly next to him.

The tree stranded hedgehog called out to them, "Hey! Can you guys help me out of here?"

Sonic smirked, "You're the ultimate life form! Figure a way out of there yourself!" Then the others rushed away out of sight, heading to the church.

Shadow muttered darkly something about being imbedded on a tree branch before turning to his neighbor, Rouge. "Hey Rouge? Can you get us down from here?"

Rouge mumbled miserably, "I'm just too sad about losing my jewels."

Shadow tried to be sympathetic to her plight, "Yeah, they must have cost a lot."

Rouge turned to Shadow, warming up to him. "Yes, I always considered myself to have the biggest and the best gems."

Shadow nodded wisely, "Especially with them full of silicone."

Rouge turned tomato, slapping Shadow hard. "How dare you! I was going to help you, but not after THAT comment! Humph!"

Shadow replied innocently, "What did I say_ this_ time?"

Rouge cupped her breasts, talking to them like they were people. "We won't let him talk about us that way again, will we babies?"

Shadow stared at her odd behavior for a few moments, before pulling out the green Chaos Emerald. "Chaos Control!" The bat and hedgehog vanished in a flash of green light.

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The church was empty and silent, lying undisturbed since it had been left earlier that day. Shadow and Rouge warped in, causing Elsie to jump with shock. "Agh! Watch where you warp, will you?" Elsie shouted.

"Shhh!" Jade shushed the cow girl. "There might be people here."

Tails ran up to the casket, peeping inside. Turning back to his friends, he told them, "Looks like someone took our meats, guys." A shadow loomed over the fox boy.

"Tails! Look out!" Sonic shouted. Rushing up to him, Sonic pushed his friend out of the way as the figure lunged toward him.

Backing off, the group examined this new danger. It was tall, with a long neck. It was… Joanne?

"Eh? How are there two Joannes?" Elsie wondered aloud, as the duplicate of her best friend advanced towards them. The figure hissed as it drew it lips into a smile revealing pointed teeth.

"What are you, my evil vampire twin? God, that is _so _cliché." Joanne readied into a fighting stance as her mirror image leaped towards her. It hissed as it flew through the air, aiming for the long neck of her counterpart. Joanne ducked, causing Evil Joanne to sail over their heads.

Amy jumped through the air, brandishing. "Did you steal our food? Take this!" She swung her weapon downward, aiming to smash the evil giraffe's head in. But the hoof shot up, knocking her weapon out of her hands. The vampire forced her arms behind her back, and lowered her mouth toward the female hedgehog's neck. "What are you, trying to give me a hicky or something? Get off me!" Amy yelled desperately, kicking her foe in the stomach.

That was when Jade leaped to the rescue. Wielding an Air Guitar, Jade smashed it on Evil Joannes back. She then took to bludgeoning the hell out of Joanne's evil twin. She took the handle of the guitar and stabbed it in the chest. The vampire looked down at the instrument protruding from her middle, then pulled it out like it wasn't even bothering her.

Jade disappointedly murmured, "It always works on _Buffy_…" She ducked as EJ (Evil Joanne) tried to smack her with a swing. She called to her allies while continuing to dodge the blunt weapon, "One of you guys throw me a steak!"

Sonic looked over at her as he searched, "You mean the meaty kind or pointy stick of death?"

"The meaty kind!" Jade yelled back as the vampire swung repeatedly at her face.

Tails ducked under a pew. Seeing the stack of meat, he snatched one up and tossed it to the raven haired girl. Jade took it in her hand, and with all her might, swung it at EJ's head.

"Die, vampire bitch!" The meaty confection slapped the evil thing right across the face.

With a look of despair, the evil twin sunk to the floor, hissing. "No… anything but Grade A Angus Beef… I'm melting… melting…" The clone dispersed to a cloud of ash.

Jade dropped the steak to the floor, crossing her arms, "Okay, what kind of lame plot twist was that, anyway?"

A big voice, one that could only have been the authors, boomed throughout the church. "Hey! It sounded cool! Its not my fault you have lame fight scenes!"

Jade looked up at the ceiling, "But you're the one who wrote them!"

"But… but… fine! I don't care anyway!" The voice started to sob in frustration, and went quiet.

Leaving the church, Sonic turned to Jade. "Are you ready for work tomorrow, Jade?"

Jade shrugged as they walked down the path, "Hey, after today, what all could happen? Nothing can surprise me now."

Little did the group know… that things would get decidedly less sensible from that day onward.

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**Yep… things just flew out of my head for this chapter. Sorry if it is a little random. The setting will hopefully be in the restaurant mostly from now on. I am also deciding to accept OC's… if you want me to use them in this story (i.e. such as coming into the restaurant) then feel free to send them in. Bye everyone, and review!**


	8. Invasion of the Fan Characters!

Chapter 8: Invasion of the Fan Characters!

**AN: I am limiting the story to 3 OC's per chapter, don't worry, I will use everyone's OC's eventually. Ciel the Hedgehog, don't worry, since Varahki will become a permanent member of the restaurant staff, he does not count for future chapters. Also, DramaQueen2000, Jynx has made frequent appearances in the story, so she will not count. Think of her as a side character, or a "separate side" to Jade. Anyway, enjoy!**

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"Why? WHY? What is with this application?" A demented howl split forth from the sky, obviously a very irritated person was fed up with something or the other. This irritated person so happened to be Jade, our ever lovable manager… ok, maybe not _that _lovable. More like violent. Vehement, even. Or how about…

"Hey," screeched the irrepressible Jade in an angry tone, "how DARE you insult my lovability!" Caterwauling like a banshee, Jade leaped forth in Viking garb, horned helmet and all, including a beard and a faux Scandinavian drawl. Taking a dual tipped battle axe she had swiped from Shadow, the manager swung downward mightily, totally obliterating the computer. The crazy girl commented in a ridiculous manner as she hacked away, "Da, you stupid fool! Thy soul shall burn in the depths of Muspelheim!" Ironically, the computer was not the source of her troubles, but rather her crappy understanding of Scandinavian, thus leading to her mother abandoning her to live with the forest monkeys of Herzegovina when she was 4, and causing her expulsion from the National Montparnasse School of Can-Can Dancing. But that is another story.

Sonic, everyone's favorite hedgehog, poked his head through the door in question, probably thinking, "What the heck is going on?" He looked around the commotion in the room, trying to find the source of his aggravation.

Jade was heaving, breathing heavily, almost frothing at the mouth. The computer behind her was sparking and smoking due to the results of axe-meets-mainframe. The girl turned her gaze to meet Sonic's, bug eyed and bloodshot eyes meeting Sonic's green ones. Yes, it _was _that disturbing.

Sonic peered at an object in her hand, noticed the state of chaos and disarray the room was in, and inquired, "Jade, why did you chop up that computer like Lizzie Borden? Another question, how exactly did a staircase appear in the east hallway over night, leading to this huge skyscraper?"

Jade answered the first question, nearly stabbing Sonic in the eye with the paper, before realizing something, "Wait, did you just make a reference to an obscure, late 19th century, unsolved, axe murder case? Never mind, it was because of THIS!" She cried out dramatically, pointing her finger in horror.

Sonic scanned over the paper, giving Jade a peculiar look. "A job application? And that gives you reason enough to slice and dice a computer? I thought I heard you yelling something about lovability…" the hedgehog finished, slightly bewildered.

"Oh, yeah, that too. Also, about this skyscraper…" Jade was about to explain, when Jynx rushed by, erratically swinging around on a swivel chair.

"Because we gonna be the next big thing in corporate management, bay-bee! Hells yeah!" Jynx yelled, enjoying her glee ride on the chair. She must have had some coffee this morning. The hyper active girl started to revolve in the chair at near light speed, but unfortunately her shoes were untied, as irrelevant a statement that may be, but don't worry, it has something to do with impending events. This led to her shoe lace getting caught up in the wheel (see, I told you,) causing her to get spun around repeatedly and launched out the glass window. She plummeted out of the 20th floor, falling into the ravine yet again. Poor Jynx. But she is not important to the rest of this section, so let's move along.

Jade gestured to the stair leading out of the 20th floor, walking down them, "I shall explain to everyone once we get downstairs." Sonic followed her with a bemused expression on his features, a little confused as to why they let Jynx fall out the window.

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The gang stood around Jade, ready for her to make some sort of important announcement. She gestured to everyone emphatically, beginning her harrowing tale. The clock ticked to 11:30 as Jade spoke, "Do you see what this is?" The manager squinted, as if trying to convey to everyone that this piece of paper somehow foretold the world of impending doom. "Do you know what this is?" She repeated, before pulling out the paper dramatically, jabbing at a certain spot near the top, "A job application!" She screamed in terror, expecting dramatic cries, some gasps, and maybe a passing out or two. Silence prevailed as Tails walked forward to Jade.

"Can I have a look, please?" The fox genius inquired, looking over the paper as Jade handed it to him, likely musing to himself. He declared, "Jade, it wouldn't be too bad to hire another worker, besides, we have an open position, and it wouldn't hurt to have an extra employee."

Jade sunk to the ground, crying out dramatically, giving vent to her sorrows, "But that means less money for me- ah, I mean- those poor little chimney sweeps down at St. Mary's." She proclaimed, apparently crying into her hands. "It's hard enough to manage a restaurant with the limited funds we do have, plus with this new worker we'll have even less! I can't pay you as much as I want to!" She commenced to weep overdramatically, fake tears streaming down her face.

"Jade?" Amy volunteered, raising her hand.

"Yes?" Jade sniffled, a gleam of hope in her shimmering eyes, knowing that Amy would agree with her.

"We don't _get _paid."

"Oh… well, screw it." Rising up on her feet, Jade strode away out the door, mumbling bad temperedly, "If I have to meet this new guy then I am at least going to be on time." Everyone followed her out the door, hastily pulling on their uniforms as the group left for work.

As Jade arrived up to the restaurant, she shoved open the door, switched the close sign to open, and approached the counter grumpily. She was gonna meet this new character who would be her subordinate. Sonic and his friends trailed behind, setting things up for the customers. Cream swept the floors, humming a little tune as she shifted back and forth, while her Chao companion wiped the windows clean.

Jade examined the newcomer, a hedgehog. He was physically the same build as Knuckles, the fur colored in earthen tones, a pattern akin to Shadows, but sienna brown with dark green stripes on his quills. He wore a red shirt with a pair of jeans, fiddling with one of his quill rings, his yellow-green flecked eyes roaming around before staring into Jades. She jabbed him in the chest, asking, "So you're this Varahki guy, eh?"

"Yes, like it says on the application," was the reply, Varahki holding up the paper and pointing to his name.

"Have you had any job experience before now?" Jade eyed him, getting a little too close for comfort.

Varahki nodded, feeling a little violated by this weird girl, "Yeah, I worked at the Dauragon Construction Plant near here for a short while. It was really boring, no pretty chicks either, so I decided to come here. Come to think of it, you're pretty easy on the eyes yourself, boss." Smirking, the hedgehog crossed his arms.

Jade smiled in return, pleased, "You know, I like you. How about you start right working for me right now?" She walked to the plaques behind the counter, shifting the menu to lunch choices.

The new hedgehog, who has just been handed a job, gaped, "Woah, really? I'm not gonna start with anything too hard, right? Not that that'd be a problem, mind you."

Jade paused from changing the menus', casting her eyes over to the new employee, "Nope. Just stand there and look pretty. You might do a little cash operating on the side, though."

Varahki sauntered behind the cash register, flashing his teeth politely at the rest if the staff of "_The Jade Palace." _Everyone nodded or waved at their new work companion, before resuming their tasks. This went on for roughly 15 minutes, the floors being dusted, the drink dispensers being refilled, and the chairs set down next to the table.

Right when the clock ticked to 12:01, the doors swung open, heralding the sign of the first costumer of the day. Unlike previous customers, mainly Overlanders from Station Square, she was an anthropomorphic animal like the crew- specifically, a coyote. Her ice blue eyes were narrowed in exasperation, as if stepping inside for a meal was just an annoyance. Purple fur covered her body, as well as a red shirt with faded jeans. This customer marched up to the counter, her black leather boots impacting softly against the floor. Those eyes never lost their aggravated look as she inspected the menu, looking for food.

Gazing at her specific food choices, the coyote spoke, "One grilled chicken sandwich, with tomatoes, mayonnaise, and lettuce, side order of curly fries, and a large Coke. One order of 10 piece Tiny Malformed Chicken Squares, honey mustard sauce, and a medium Sunkist. Lastly, I would like a Loaded up Cheeseburger, all the fixings, onion rings, and a medium Sprite."

"Say, are you planning to eat all that yourself?" Varahki grinned, leaning forward to socialize.

She sighed, shaking her head, "Nope. I'm here to get carry out for me and my friends, where we work, no one can cook. I'm Eliah."

Varahki nodded, understanding her predicament, "Nice to meet you, Eliah. I'm Varahki. Where do you work?"

Eliah pointed out of the restaurant, to a large, spiffy building that rose high in the sky a few blocks away. It was very old fashioned, and a bit spooky. "At Chateau Royale, you know, the hotel? It's pretty good work, but that may be because I am working with my friends."

The brown and green hedgehog chuckled. "Heh, it's always better to be with friends. Anyway, your total amounts to… hmm… wait no, that's not right, lessee here… Which button do I press again?" The cashier was muttering to himself, apparently confounded by the machine.

"Are you new here?" The purple coyote asked, giggling slightly.

"Yep, I just started today. Gah, this stupid thing…" Varahki mumbled, apparently incredibly annoyed, seeing as sweat was running down his face. He pressed a button on the machine, and a row of pennies came out from their stored place. Pressing a different button, one of the pennies launched out of the row, beaming Varahki in the eye. "AGH!" He hissed angrily, covering his eye. He roared in fury, "DIE YOU MACHINE OF EVIL! Potatoes will be better off without you, and the little birdies of Station Square will no longer be tempted to fly into windows! Plus you clash with the design of the counter! There is no escape for you!" With that, he raised his hands behind his head, interlocked, and brought them down hard onto the defenseless machine, utterly destroying it.

Eliah had a shocked look on her face. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out a twenty dollar bill. "Here… this should be enough to pay." A tray, possibly at waist height, was carried to her, food in a carry out bag, piping hot, was handed to her. Eliah bent down and picked up the bag, smiling at her server. "Hey there, Cream!"

Cream, whose expression mirrored Eliahs', spoke, "It's nice to see you again, Eliah. Have fun at work!"

Eliah waved goodbye, hefting the bag, and started to head out of the door, when suddenly Elsie popped up right in front of her.

Eliah's eyes narrowed, once again entering her annoyed state, "Don't you have something else to be doing? Something that doesn't involve contacting me in any way, shape, or form?"

Elsie was totally oblivious to the coyote's state of mind. She jumped in her face and started to blab, "You work at a hotel, right? The Chateau Royale, right? Can I come visit? Please, please, please with 1 skim milk on top, and those little chocolate donuts."

Eliahs hand snaked behind her back, withdrawing a large object. Elsie started to fantasize about her stay in the hotel, suddenly getting a bright- ok, dim- idea. "I know! I'll serenade you every night with a song! Stars will be attracted to my melodious voice! That will bring in the cash baby, cha-ching!" Her eyes morphed to dollar signs, and she went into singing position to demonstrate her 'melodious' voice. Instead of butchering another piece from RENT, however, Elsie noticed the object that the girl next to her was holding. She burst into song, "Surely you won't bludgeon me with the shovel!" her voice wavered as she sang the words in a tone-deaf matter.

Eliah placed the shovel guiltily behind her back, "Shovel? What shovel? I have no clue what you are talking about," the coyote spoke demurely, even as her left eye twitched. Nothing could prepare anyone for what happened next.

A large gust blew throughout the room, causing the chairs to rattle and the doors to swing open. Through these doors flew a little bird girl, probably 8 years old with white plumage. She wore an orange skirt with running shoes. She screeched crazily as she zipped all around the restaurant, "Food! Gimme food! I want food! Food!" Then, in a decidedly random action, this crazy bird girl planted her teeth in the wall. She stuck there firmly, speaking in muffled tones, "Food! Food!" Apparently she was hungry.

Cream sighed, marching over resolutely to where the bird was imbedded in the wall. The young rabbit tried to tug this child out of the wall, "Come on, Cookie. You know plaster gives you heartburn…" With a mighty tug, Cream managed to break the bird free from the wall. The little kid instantly chopped up the plaster with her sharp beak, and started to cry for more. Cream shrugged, not knowing what else to do.

"Burger! Cheese! Give me the cheese! I want… oh look, tapioca!" Cookie proclaimed, fluttering up to the ceiling, and started to gnaw on the ceiling.

Knuckles tried to distract her with the dairy product she had squawked about, "Here, Cookie! Have some cheese!"

"CHEESE!" With this declaration, she flew down to Knuckles and nearly bit his hand off devouring the slice of dairy. After this, she started to cry for MORE food.

"Somebody shut her up!" Shadow roared, covering his ears. Rouge rushed up and stuffed a burger in her gob in an attempt to do so, but she mashed it to pieces and started to chirp annoyingly for more nourishment.

"Chicken, give me chicken!" Cookie complained, apparently still famished.

Varahki was about to toss her a chicken wing when he stopped, "Wait, isn't that cannibalistic?"

Jade grabbed the wing and shoved it down Cookie's throat, "Who cares, as long as she will stay quiet!" Cookie swallowed it and- okay, you know what she does by know.

It was invention boy who saved the day. He stood forward with a gun in hand. The two tailed fox pressed the trigger, and a stream of food shot out and into the gullet of the starved bird child. (What, you thought he would shoot her?) The gun filled her with cookies, cakes, anything you could imagine. Soon the little child was swollen to a massive size, inflated by all the food. Trying to move, Cookie rolled instead, right out of the door. She rolled out into the streets of Station Square, twittering happily to herself about food. Then she got hit by a car. Wait, that didn't happen. She got shot by a water hose. No, wait… she rolled into the ravine, where she lost all her fat by hiking back out again. Yay, a happy ending. clap clap

Everyone stared out of the door, with expressions on their faces that could be interpreted as, "WTF?"

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**Yep! Good chapter, huh? Thanks, everyone! Please review, have a good day.**


	9. It's Halloween Already?

**Chapter 9: It's Halloween Already? **

**AN: Whoops… I made you guys wait… I'm sorry… but this should compensate. Sorry if some of the costume ideas are totally retarded. **

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"What do you want to dress up for as Halloween?" Jade yelled suddenly. It had apparently progressed to Halloween the moment Cookie flew- er, rolled- out the door. What a plothole. "We have to have a Halloween theme! Any customer who has a creative costume gets a free Halloween slushy!"

"We have Halloween slushies?" Varahki asked inquisitively, raising an eyebrow.

"No, it's just a scam to draw customers." Tails whispered into the new employee's ear. Jade shot the fox a dirty look.

"Anyway, everyone come to the counter and we will share costume ideas! Quick, to the Cash Register-Mobile!" Jade cried out, rushing behind the aforementioned counter. Everyone gathered behind the manager girl reluctantly.

"As for me," Jade declared, pointing to herself graciously, "I will be a disco queen. I'm gonna get one of those huge afros…" Jade started to explain in rapt gestures, but no one paid attention. She grumbled rebelliously, "Fine. Any one have ideas? How about you, blue?" Jade asked, turning to Sonic.

"I'm gonna be a pirate. Yargh, matey." Sonic turned his pinky finger into a pirate hook. He had a bad pirate act.

"That's great Sonic. Good for you." Jade lied, grinning falsely. Secretly, she wanted to yell, "YOU HAVE THE IMAGINATION OF A DEAD FLY!"

She turned to the pink hedgehog, who was hooked affectionately on the blue hedgehogs' arm. He was trying to shake her off like a person being attacked by a rabid dog. Needless to say, our azure hero was having little success. "Amy, what is your idea?"

"I was thinking maybe a hooker." Amy said sweetly, oblivious of Sonic's efforts to fling her away.

Jades jaw dropped to the floor, incredulous, "You're kidding me, right? How in the world would you pull that off?"

Amy giggled, "Of course I'm kidding, Jade! Honestly you can't see me dressed like that, can you? I was thinking more of a dominatrix, with a leather outfit, and a whip with chains, and stiletto heels…"

Jade inched away from Amy, who kept on chattering about her 'wonderful' costume idea, "You do that then, Amy. Tails, how about you?"

The kid fox looked up, "I know it isn't scary, but I was thinking about being a scientist. Khakis, lab coat, cool techno glasses, that kind of thing."

Jade smiled at him, "At least you have imagination. Hey, you could be the evil or mad scientist!"

Tails eyed her strangely, "But I'm not evil or mad."

Jade shook her head, "I only meant figuratively… for a genius scientist, you sure are slow sometimes."

Tails shot her an icy cold glare, "At least I have free will! You're just a fan character who is controlled by the author."

"The same thing is happening to you right now, kiddo." Jade explained, shrugging.

Tails was stuttering for a better comeback, "Well… uh… your mom's upper lip is stupid!" He yelled childishly, crossing his arms and turning away huffily. He thought, "_That has got to be the stupidest comeback ever."_

Jade leaned next down to a cute little rabbit, "What were you planning on being, Cream?"

Cheese hovered around the rabbit child as she answered, "I am gonna be a Pi Qua Quan practitioner who sings opera as a side gig." She launched into a whole background for her Halloween costume, "I need to find the murderer of my mother. One girl taunts me and makes me think she didn't, when it was actually this one girl who was assigned to watch over me by my murdered father's head of company…" The little rabbit continuously blabbed about her whole ordeal as Jade moved on to her next target… the red and ebony hedgehog known as Shadow.

"So, Shadow? Your Halloween plans?"

Shadow twiddled his thumbs as he answered, "Kill Faker with cyanide laced pickles… I'm also plotting to take over the world. Wanna join me? You get all sorts of benefits, maternity leave, even a dental plan! Sounds great, huh?" The Ultimate Life form gestured emphatically, trying to draw the manager to his cause.

Jade remarked dryly in response, "As enticing as that sounds… no. Are you gonna dress up?"

Shadow nodded enthusiastically, "Of course! Doesn't my very appearance suggest Halloween enthusiast?"

"No, it says to me, 'Look my way and I'll blow your head off'.

Shadow threw his arms wide, "Exactly! That's why I dressed up as a crazy gunman last year! But, I have the coolest costume EVAR! Liek, LOL!" Shadow decided suddenly to talk in mangled chat speak. "It is just so original, it pwns all other original stuff. It is such a noob of pwnage, that all other pwns phail miserably!" Shadow didn't realize his statement was kind of contradictory, "It totally pwns anything joo could evar come up, chickadee."

Jade eyed him flatly, "White sheet with holes cut near the top for eyes, huh?"

Shadows eyes widened, "Hey, great idea! I was thinking Frankenstein, but that just totally blows Mary Shelley out of the water! I need to go get prepared!" Shadow rushed off, apparently failing to realize that it took a miniscule amount of time to cut holes in a white sheet.

Knuckles reply to Jades' question was a little surprising, "I'm gonna be emo," he stated simply, (Here I go with the offensive stereotyping. I need to stop that.) "I'll wear tight fitting feminine clothes, put on makeup, grow long black hair to cover one eye, and praising all my favorite bands, and be friends with a rusty shovel. Maybe wear a nice plaid tie, too."

"Knuckles! Stop being so stereotypical/judgmental of the goth subculture that we call emo!" Jade yelled, profoundly angered.

"Did you just say, 'Stereotypical slash judgmental'?" Knuckles asked, clueless to Jade's state of mind.

"Why yes I did! And don't change the subject! It isn't kind to be so judgmental of someone else's culture just because it is totally stupid." Jade stated viciously.

"Look at the pot calling the kettle black." Knuckles quipped.

"You know what, fine. Be emo. I don't care." Jade rolled her eyes, giving up. She walked over to Rouge, who was standing idly. "So, Rouge, got any plans for Halloween?"

"I am gonna be a vampire! HEEE!" The bat thief hissed, revealing sharp pointy teeth. "All I need now is a cape."

"My, what pointy, plastic teeth you have, grandma."

"How could you tell?" Rouge wailed miserably.

"Hon, everything about you is fake."

"But it was going so well. I would be the very first sluttish vampire!" Rouge sighed, plucking the plastic teeth out of her mouth.

"You could still pull it off, you know. Just get better teeth. Or maybe improve your Dracula accent; it sounded like you were HEEE-ing a little throaty, there." Jade said, offering advice on Rouge's outfit.

Elsie suddenly popped up in Jade's face, "Hey Jade. Wanna hear my costume idea?" She hopped up and down excitedly.

"Not particularly, but you'll tell me anyway. So go ahead."

Elsie ignored Jades' comment, "I am gonna be a disco queen!" She said dramatically, suddenly appearing in bling-bling and bell bottoms.

"Sorry, that is kind of my idea."

Elsie looked downcast. "Hmm… how about a pirate?" The cowgirl said, brightening up.

"Unless you want to be like Sonic, not a good idea."

"Man… how about a hooker?"

"Amy has already taken that one."

Elsie looked confused, "I would thought that Rouge would have been a hooker. Oh well. Does an emo cow sound good?" Her face was suddenly swathed in black locks, she wore all black clothing, and her pierced bottom lip stuck out sullenly.

"Knuckles- hey, wait. Elsie, those are everybody else's ideas! Think of something original, for Halloweens' sake!"

"Oh! The best outfit idea ever just hit me!" Suddenly, the word 'idea' in bold, black, text fell on top of her head.

"What exactly is this idea, Elsie?" Jade asked, propping her head on her arm. "Where is Joanne, by the way?"

"I can't tell you! I have to keep it a secret!" Elsie proclaimed giddily, "Joanne left to tell her family she isn't dead."

The cow rushed out of the door, off to prepare her Halloween costume. She must have been excited.

Jade stood up, declaring, "It's time to leave everybody! Meet back here later at 6:00, kay? Have your costumes ready by then, and remember: you get a free Halloween slushy if your costume is creative enough!" Everybody left, except for the newest staff member: Varahki.

"Don't you want to hear about my Halloween costume?" Varahki asked innocently, eyes wide and teary.

"No," Jade stated simply, preparing to leave.

"Why not?" Varahki inquired.

"Because I'm evil that way! AHAHAHAH!" Jade cackled evilly as she left, pushing open the door.

Varahki shrugged as he followed her out. His costume was too cool for her, anyway. Actually, he didn't have any ideas for a costume. Woe is he.

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The young seal walked through the door of the restaurant. Her friend, Kilala, skipped behind her. The pink fox commented, "I really like these decorations!" She pointed upward. The was a ghost strung from the ceiling, several jack o' lanterns illuminated the dark room, and little pumpkins were suspended across the room, making it very Halloween-ish.

The white furred seal, MJ, replied to her friends' interest, "Come on, Kilala. Let's order something." Walking toward the counter, the seal, who was wearing an orange t-shirt with jean shorts, motioned to her school-uniform clad friend, "What would you like, Kilala?"

The pink fox with her bangs parted in a heart shape marched behind her friend, "Something sugary." Her eye twitched.

The fox child, younger than Tail, jumped up dramatically, "Ooh! I want that!" The little kit pointed upward at the menu. Her selection read, "Extremely Sugary Chocolate Shake."

MJ shrugged, "You know how you get with sugar."

Tails, dressed up in his scientist garb, was at the cash register. He smiled at the two girls, "And what are we dressed up as today?"

MJ fiddled with her long, white hair, "Erm... the abominable snow seal?" She offered meekly.

"I'm a Japanese fox dressed in sailor fuku!" Kilala exclaimed, gesturing to her outfit. It was a sailor school uniform, colored blue, black boots, and matching gloves with blue stripes. "What are you supposed to be, fellow fox?" Kilala asked.

"I'm a scientist."

"Oh, the mad or evil kind?"

"No, just a scientist…" Tails laughed nervously.

"Well, that's no fun." The girl fox stated, pulling a face.

"Anyway, are you ready to order?" The two tailed fox turned to MJ.

The seal nodded, "Yes. I would like an order of chili, with a baked potato… and Kilala would like-"

"An Extremely Sugary Chocolate Shake!" The pink fox girl blurted out.

"Alright then… that will be $4.00." Tails stated. MJ handed him the money, and led Kilala to her chair. The little fox girl whipped out a coral pink Nintendo DS Lite and started to play Pokemon Diamond. MJ twiddled her thumbs as she waited for the food to arrive.

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In the kitchen… all Hell was breaking loose. Or maybe not. It shouldn't be that hard to make a chocolate shake, some chili, and a baked potato, right? There was no way of telling with the defunct staff.

Jade was yelling out orders, her shiny 70's outfit glowing eerily in the candle light. "Knuckles, Rouge, Varahki, you guys commandeer the shake! Sonic, Amy, make the baked potato! Tails, Cream, and I will handle the chili." She laughed uproariously, her afro wobbling precariously as she did so.

Amy rolled her eyes as she sliced open the potato, "Look at her costume! It's like she is trying to emulate the blaixploitation era or something! How lame!" The pink hedgehog chucked the potato in the microwave, setting it on high for 5 minutes. Like that would bake a potato.

Amy sauntered up to her blue beau, making scandalous poses, "So, how does my outfit look, Sonic?" She had actually gone for the dominatrix get up, but her outfit was a little less revealing. This is a T rated fic, after all. But she still had all those whips and stuff.

Sonic gaped at her, "Amy… it's kind of…" He stammered, at a loss for words. He had gone with the pirate theme, but since this is Sonic the Hedgehog, he practically stole the whole thing from Johnny Depp. Not too original.

The pink hedgehog clicked her stilettos impatiently, "It's kind of what? Sexy?" Amy elbowed him, winking mischievously.

"Not the exact wording, Ames…" Sonic muttered, sweating. If he told her the truth, he would be carrying home his teeth in a plastic bag.

"Tell me what you think!" Amy yelled shrilly, wanting to hear his opinion.

"Well, Ames…" Sonic desperately tried to stall. He liked his teeth. "It's… it's…"

DING! The beeper on the microwave went off. Amy retrieved the potato, lathering on sour cream, butter, and cheese, as she asked, "Go on, tell me. It's not like I would beat you up so badly you would be carrying your teeth home in a plastic bag." Her eyes fluttered as she gazed upon her man.

Sonic wrapped up the potato, placing it on a tray. He delivered the baked potato to MJ, who thanked him. The blue hedgehog walked as slow as possible to delay the inevitable. Amy would slaughter him. He looked to the floor as he voiced his opinion, "Amy… I think your outfit is skanky."

Amy clasped her hands together, "Sonic… I can't believe you would say something like that." Her eyes were shimmering. Sonic raised his hands over his head, preparing for the union of head and hammer. He looked at Amy, who wasn't pursuing him with fiery wrath as usual. She spoke, "Skanky is just what I was aiming for! Oh Sonic!" With that, a deliriously happy Amy threw her arms around Sonic and tackled him to the floor.

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Oblivious to his best friends' plight, Tails stared at the ingredients needed to make the chili. It looked complicated. He desperately tried to measure things exactly, as printed in the instructions, but to no avail. "Crap! I put in too many beans!" The fox cried out angrily. For a genius, he failed miserably at cooking.

Cream took over. She was wearing a red and white suit, and white pants with long flaps at the end. She had a large red bow perched in her hair, and frilly booby thingies. (My best description of Helena's first outfit from Dead or Alive…) She threw everything in the pot like a master chef, having learned culinary skills from her mother. The chili was hot and delicious in minutes with Creams' expert hands. She ladled it into a bowl and trotted out to give it to the customers.

Tails fell to the floor, moping over his inability to make a pot of chili. "Why? I can build airplanes, but I can't make chili? What is up with that?"

Jade offered some sagely advice, "You have been given many talents, Tails. Cooking apparently isn't one of them."

The genius fired back an attempt at a snide remark, "Well… at least my outfit isn't totally retarded." Mentally he slapped himself, "I can't think of good comebacks either! Gah!"

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Knuckles and Rouge were hard at work crafting the Extra Sugary Chocolate Milkshake for Kilala. Personally, I don't think it would be that hard to make a chocolate milkshake. But these two struggle with anything.

Rouge was busy putting the ice cream in a blender. Pushing her vampire cape out of the way, she turned to her red companion. "Knuckles, can you fetch me the sugar and the Hershey's chocolate, please?"

A shock of unkempt black hair somehow covered Knuckles face, shielding his left eye. He wore lots of eyeliner, and a tight fitting tank top, and had a rusty shovel nearby. He crossed his arms moodily, "No! I'm in an emotionally fragile state right now! Harsh words will kick my emo meter into overdrive!"

Rouge eyed him warily, "You do realize emo is for emotive, not emotional, right? Besides, stereotyping an emo like that will lead to someone killing you. Not that I would care."

Knuckles retorted, "Those pansy emos should be thrilled at being imitated by this pillar of masculinity! I won't get your ingredients for you either. I'm too girlish and faint of heart to do anything but sit here and listen to my favorite bands. I also like Mr. Shovel. He is my close friend." Knuckles slid it across his wrist, maybe in an attempt to cut himself. But the red echidna realized that self mutilation is not the answer. He placed Mr. Shovel on the ground, and stood up. He was about to go and help Rouge, but he tripped on his so called friend Mr. Shovel.

Rouge rolled her eyes, fed up with her partners' attitude, "Well, fine. All right, stir the whipped cream, chocolate, and sugar all together… and turn on the blender." Pressing the button, the bat thief watched as the ingredients whirred together in a brown tornado of ice cream. She didn't hear Knuckles head crash against the counter, his head hitting the floor hard and bruising him. Watching the shake slow, she poured it into a large glass. The bat also took chopped up candy pieces and drizzled them with caramel, placing them on the top of the shake. She ferried it out to the eager pink fox.

She arrived back at the scene to see Knuckles twitching in a pool of his own blood. Or maybe it was ketchup. Knuckles had a large bruise on his forehead from the counter. It looked pretty painful, and blood had been lost. Rouge just walked away, whistling merrily. Jade and everyone were about to judge the two customers' Halloween costumes. Like it would matter if Knuckles died, he wasn't that important to the story line.

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Jade led a scrutinizing eye over the two customers, who were enjoying their meal. She surveyed their costumes with an eye like an expert Halloween costume judge person thing. MJ looked up politely at the manager of the Jade palace.

"Excuse me, did you want something? We already paid, if that was what you were wondering," MJ commented as she chewed on her baked potato, "Hey, this is pretty good!" She exclaimed, swallowing.

"Thank you, I made it myself." Amy smiled, her eyes all glossy with happiness. She was obviously under some sort of romantic illusion that Sonic actually loved her. This was strange, seeing as the male hedgehog was continuously beating her head against the wall, plaster falling at his feet and on his Jack Sparrow costume. Maybe he was just trying to knock her out, or maybe even kill her. You could never tell with the blue ones.

Kilala was incredibly happy, energetically slurping the milkshake through a straw, "Mmm…sugar. The chocolate is nice, but the sugar really takes the cake… I could do with some cake too… cake…" the pink fox stated dreamily as little chocolate cakes flew around in her imagination. She was weird.

Rouge took this as a compliment, "Why thank you! I worked on it all by myself!"

Jade glanced at the bat thief, "Wait, where's Knuckles?"

Rouge swirled her cape around dramatically, "Oh, he's just bleeding to death on the floor."

Jade nodded, "Ohh, okay," She turned to both of the customers, asking, "so what are your costumes again?"

"The abominable snow seal," MJ stated lamely, tired at people asking her about her costume, "aren't I just so scary?"

"Cake…" Kilala muttered dreamily, before MJ leaned toward her and reminder her of her outfit, "I mean, I'm a Japanese fox wearing sailor fuku." Kilala restated, slanting her eyes to lend credence to her claim. It looked really weird.

"Tell me, how exactly are you abominable, again?" Jade asked, staring at MJ suspiciously.

"Well, I'll show you," MJ replied, cupping her hands. Ice crystals started to swirl in her palm, forming a compact snowball. With a snap of her fingers, the icy globe hurled off. The cast of the restaurant watched in surprise as the snowball landed with a thud on some poor unsuspecting ghost, who happened to be wearing Shadow's shoes.

Shadow, who had, for some reason, been standing there inconspicuously for the whole chapter, stood up. Ripping off his ghost wear, he pointed accusingly at the white seal, "How did you get a snowball? There isn't even any snow! Besides, my outfit is ruined!" He whined, the sheet glowing with soft powder.

MJ timidly raised her hand, "Um, sir?"

Shadow glared at her, "Yes?"

"Snowballs are white, correct?"

The red and black hedgehog was confused, "I suppose… why?"

MJ giggled a little, "Well… white doesn't stain white."

Shadow blinked, his rage unfounded, "Well… uh, it's still wet! So… yeah, my outfit is totally wet!"

Jade stepped forward, "It doesn't matter, Shadow! Just toss it in the laundry and call it a day," she said, leaving the ebony hedgehog to sob in a corner about his ghost costume.

She turned toward the little pink fox, who was wiping chocolate off her muzzle, "How about you demonstrate your sailing capacity, little fox?"

Kilala nodded, "Of course! I'd be happy to!" A gust of wind suddenly blew through the restaurant, blowing the kits' heart bangs around. The little fox jumped up, her feet catching on the gust. She was hovering! Kilala proceeded to zoom around the eating establishment, not watching where she was going, "See, I can sail! This is fun! AGH!"

The fox collided with a western dressed cow, who turned out to be Elsie. She hadn't done or said anything all chapter either. That's odd. Elsie leaped up, brushing off her vest and lasso, "Whew… that was a little exciting…" Clicking her spurred boots, Elsie extended a hoof, "It's nice to meet you. I'm Elsie."

Kilala rubbed her head painfully, "I'm sorry about that. It's nice to meet you too. Kilala is my name."

The two joined in a large group around Jade. Apparently she was thinking very hard. She pointed to the sky, declaring the winner of the free milkshake, "You both deserve it! Your costume ideas are so cool!" Producing the orange slushy out of nowhere, the manager tossed it to the duo. Both of them caught it, and started to share the slushy happily as they walked out the door.

"Wait, you only had one slushy?" Varahki stated indignantly, "How would we have given some to other costumers if they had come?"

Elsie raised her hoof, "We only have one or two costumers a day, anyway. I am surprised we haven't declared bankruptcy." Both the hedgehog and the cow stared at each other as the rest of the crew, sans Shadow, started to leave.

"Hey? Why did we only have bit parts in this chapter?" Both of them yelled angrily at the sky, seeking the voice of the author.

The author's voice answered them, "Because your only fan characters, and besides, I forgot all about you guys until later in the chapter." The voice said sheepishly.

"But Jade is a fan character too!" Varahki stated.

"Because I'm cool like that, and I'm the manager." Jade proclaimed haughtily as she left.

"But Shadow barely had more lines than we did…" Elsie said sullenly.

"Because I am an official character, and fans can't get enough of my rugged angsty-ness." Shadow told the two, walking out in his ghost attire.

Elsie and Varahki both left the restaurant, walking together. Elsie suddenly realized something, conversing with Varahki, "Hey, at least we aren't bleeding to death on the floor due to head trauma caused by hitting our heads on the counter."

Varahki thought for a moment, and then shrugged, "True."

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**Hah! This was fun you guys! Happy Halloween! Oh yeah, I don't own Kilala and MJ, MJtheSeal does! And Cookie the Bird belongs to Mew3692002. **

**I also realize that stereotyping emos is wrong and hardly any act like that ( I know an emo, and he is a blast to talk to). I sincerely apologize for any offense it may have caused, and this chapter does not reflect my view toward emos in any way. Everyone stereotypes them, and I tried to draw humor from it. Sorry if it didn't appear funny. **


	10. It came from Ebay!

**Chapter 10: It came from Ebay! No, wait…**

**Blue Mage Quartet is very sorry for the month long wait. He has had much crap with school and all that fun stuff. So he has been delayed. Remember, he does not own any characters except for Elsie. For some reason Blue Mage is talking in the third person and using pronouns so he will stop now…**

**Yup, it is the arrival of Silver and Blaze, to commemorate their appearance in Sonic 2006! You wouldn't think I would leave these two out would you? Also, the story isn't officially set in December yet, it's only been a day in the fic since the last chapter.**

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Jade yawned luxuriously, stretching her arms wide as she rose to her feet. Putting on her fuzzy pink bunny slippers, she placed a hand over her clock, gazing at the time, "3:00 a.m., must have fallen asleep…" As the date on her clock appeared, she stared dazedly, "December 4th? What the hell? Did I fall asleep for THAT long? Was I drugged? Are we in some weird time paradox?"

Eyes wide in panic, she placed her hands on the side of her head. Her black hair suddenly started to frizz, and noticing how awful it looked, Jade started to scream. Howling like a banshee suffering from dementia (that statement was redundant), the woman ran around her room in the upstairs…skyscraper, that one that had appeared inconspicuously overnight. As she neared the entryway to her room, her body lurched forward as if she had tripped. The manager fell down her stairs, shrieks of fright and pain accompanying every thud of her body. She rolled all the way down to the bottom, landing at the foot of the stairs in a crumpled heap. Oddly enough, her hair had straightened out.

Upstairs, a strawberry blonde girl closed the door, giggling wickedly. She had bandages wrapped around her head, and she walked with a crutch, her right leg in a cast. Her black and blue face was twisted into a humorous grin as she cackled, "It's about time she got hurt too! I have been injured one time too many in this fic! Ooh, I know what should do. I could 'accidentally'"- Jynx put air quotes around that word-"drop a pregnant elephant on her head and give her brain damage! That way I can take over the restaurant, rename it 'The Jade and Jynx Funtime Barn' and start giving out burgers made of _real _meat! It's brilliant I tell you! Genius, I say!"

The girl in wraps felt a cool breeze blow through her hair. Looking down, she commented, "Wow, I didn't know the carpet had such a lifelike image of the ravine painted it on it." The unfortunate one looked backward, seeing the actual skyscraper building fifteen feet behind her. She had been standing in mid-air conversing to herself, walking out of the window she had launched herself out of back in Chapter 8. Rubbing her chin in thought, the girl wondered, "Didn't we fix that window? And how am I staying suspended in mid air?" Suddenly, she felt the wind rushing by her as she plummeted downward, answering her second question. Two words graced her lips as she spiraled toward the familiar ravine, "OH SHI-" Before the second word could be finished, the girl known as Jynx impacted with the ground. Alas, she never knew about the window.

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Jades' first thought upon sitting up was, "It's already December… we missed out on making a Thanksgiving themed chapter!" (AN: I had originally planned to make one…) "That just means a Christmas theme is in the works for 'The Jade Palace'!"

As she rose unsteadily to her feet, a rustling noise came from the kitchen. Maybe it was burglars! Drawing a tennis racket from out of nowhere, Jade tiptoed toward the eating place in her home. She was expecting Shadow down there, maybe looking for some of Jades' undergarments. Don't forget he _was_ a perverted stalker guy. He would regret that, her tennis racket would make sure of it.

The sight that greeted her in the kitchen was a little more unexpected, however. Somebody was rummaging through the fridge, raiding the food. Jade creeped slowly towards her victim, preparing to strike. However, the thief turned around.

Crammed in his mouth were several pickles, dripping pickle juices onto his chest fur. This newcomer was a white hedgehog, with oddly branched out quills and golden eyes that were widened in surprise. He wore white gloves with strange green patterns on them, and had green and black boots. Scattered at his feet were apple cores, lettuce stalks, all manner of foodstuffs and scraps that he had littered after wolfing them down. Apparently this stranger was a hungry one.

Jade leaped forward, drawing back her tennis racket for a strike at the intruder's face. Just before the racket impacted, however, the stranger fell backwards onto the floor. Staring at him oddly, the girl wondered if she had scared him and caused the hedgehog to faint. She poked at him with the other end of the racket. "Is he alive?" She asked herself, nudging the hedgehogs' body as it lay on the floor, surrounded by food.

"What the hell!" A voice snarled angrily. Jade jumped, looking around in fright for the voice. Hovering above the body, a wispy image of the hedgehog at her feet greeted her gaze. It was a mirror copy of the body of the floor, except for an eerie, transparent form, surrounded by wisps of fog. "I don't even get one line and I die? What kind of past is this?" The hedgehog vented angrily.

"Silver, calm down," a lilac cat wearing a purple overcoat stepped forward from the shadows, "compared to burning to death from Iblis, choking to death sounds a _lot _less painful."

Silver gestured at her wildly, "Blaze, do you even care that I'm dead? I'm talking to you in frikkin' ghost form, dammit! Besides, I didn't choke! I just… fell over! That's not even a cool way to die! How am I supposed to save the future lying dead on a kitchen floor?"

Blaze shrugged, "That's what you get for raiding some poor woman's fridge. For all we know, those pickles had some kind of poison in them."

Jade, whose expression had previously shown, "WTF are these people doing in my kitchen!?!" stepped forward. "Pardon me, excuse me," the girl apologized, stepping over Silvers' prone form, "I need to get to the fridge." Leaning forward in the glow from the light, Jade examined the contents of her refrigerator, "Looks like you got into Shadow's stash of poisoned pickles… sorry about that." Silver looked crestfallen.

"No, wait…" Jade continued, rummaging through the food, "this jar of pickles reads, 'Jar of Cyanide laced pickles for the act of killing faker… not. LOL." Next to this inscription was a little smiley face. Jade turned to the intruders of her home, "Looks like you're not dead. Aren't you lucky?"

Silver gazed down at his dead- undead- whatever- body, "You mean I'm not dead? Huzzah!" With that, his ghostly form reunited with his body. The white hedgehog stood up, "I really am lucky!" Suddenly a realization hit him, "Wait, if I didn't die… then I fell over and somehow projected a ghostly image of myself for no reason whatsoever?"

"Don't worry about it," Jade told him, "that sort of stuff happens all the time!" She leaned forward, pulling up a chair at the counter she had in the middle of her kitchen, "So, tell me why you and Blaze are in my kitchen."

"Because this past actually has edible _food _in it, stuff we can bear. Good food, too," Silver informed Jade.

"Where are you from?" Jade asked the duo.

"We came from E-bay," Silver stated simply, like that fact was the most obvious thing in the world.

"So, you're telling me that you were sold off of a mass visited auctioning site, and came to my house just to eat food?" Jade repeated the facts that Silver had told her.

"Plus we're from the future," Silver added, raising his right pointing finger.

Blaze smacked her partner upside the head angrily. Turning to Jade as Silver rubbed his face, Blaze told Jade the truth, "Don't listen to Silver. We are from the future, however…" Blaze then launched into the monologue about her and Silver, about their epic quest to save the future from the past actions of some Princess Elise chick, the city of the future that was a mass of corrupted metal and ash, how they fought for their lives every single day, about something called "The Iblis Trigger" and some other hedgehog identified as Mephiles, and the answer to the ever present question: Is the moon really made of cheese? No, really, Silver and Blaze were trying to find that out too. I'm not lying.

After this conversation was finished, Sonic and everyone else somehow popped up into the middle of the kitchen. Maybe they all chaos controlled into the room or something, I don't know. _And _the lights flickered on. You see, that was the scary part; Rouge looked like an absolute hag with no makeup on. Plus two intruders were just sitting in the kitchen having a conversation as if breaking in and making fake dead projections of yourself was something that happened every night.

Tails pointed at the two new people, "Who are these guys?" Tails yawned sleepily, rubbing his eyes.

Jade introduced the two, "This is Silver," she pointed to the psychokinetic hedgehog, "and this is Blaze," her finger trailed to the pyrokinetic cat.

Sonic gazed at Silvers' quills, "Geez, your hairdo looks like a messed up starfish."

Silver gnashed his teeth together, "Iblis Trigger! I have come here to destroy you, as well as to find out whether this will hurt as much as I think it will." With that ominous statement, Silver's quills flared up with a green glow. An assortment of utensils and appliances floated in front of him, emitting the same green light. He drew back his arm, aiming for poor Sonic's face, "Take this!" The thing he decided to hurl at Sonic with his mind… was in fact a toaster. The appliance flew toward the azure hero, and for some reason, he was stupid enough to let the thing hit him. The toaster collided with his face with a loud CLANG!

He placed his hands around his face, seething, "Agh! That REALLY did hurt, you freak! Prepare to get owned!" He rushed toward the psychic hedgehog, ready to dish out some hurt. Until the poor fool ran right into a toilet brush. Yes, Amber had returned.

"ZOMG Amber!" Shadow cried out, deliriously happy. He leaped toward Amber's general direction… and crashed into the wall. I guess that's what waking up at 3:00 a.m. does to you.

Jade screeched angrily, "Enough! I am tired of hedgehogs running into things in my kitchen! I haven't had a good morning either! Go to bed now unless you want permanent scars from Amber the Toilet Brush!"

Everyone zipped off to bed speedily, except for Elsie, who had, once again, said or did nothing almost the entire chapter. She must feel unloved. Silver looked at Jade timidly, "Where can we stay, Jade?"

Jade sighed, "Out of the goodness of my heart, Blaze gets the couch in the living room."

Blaze settled into the living room. Silver gazed after her incredulously, infuriated, "Where am I going to sleep?!" The new hedgehog asked angrily.

"You can sleep outside, on the porch," Jade waved him away.

Elsie followed the manager up the stairs, "What was so bad about this morning, Jade?" She yawned.

"For one thing, I fell down the stairs. Two E-bay order freaks were in my kitchen and eating Shadows' pickles, and I find out we're in some sort of grisly time paradox, we're a month has passed in a span of a few hours," Jade shuddered, "it's just too much to take in. I need some more sleep."

"Jade, you do realize this is fan fiction, right? Time in our dimension passes depending on what time the author wants it to be. It's like we have no control over our lives," Elsie stated, full of wonder.

"So you're saying… a month could pass before he updates, and he could pass it off as a day where we are?" Jade questioned.

"Yeah, it's like he is some all powerful being or something," Elsie returned, heading in the direction of her room, "like I am constantly being manipulated, like I don't have free will or a brain of my own."

"Since when did you have a brain?" Jade snorted.

"What's that?"

"Oh, nothing," Jade closed the door and prepared to go to bed, "stupid time paradox."

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**I know I totally got the actual concept of a time paradox wrong, but this chapter was fun to write. Silver and Blaze will be in the next chapter too. Bye everyone!**


	11. Happy Late Holidays!

**Chapter 11: Happy (late) Holidays! **

**AN: GAH! I have a chronic case of lazy… I would love to update sooner… I just have incredibly poor time management skills. But those are just excuses. Update time!**

* * *

Jade dragged her spindly fingers down her face, letting her eyelids snap back up. She looked at the mirror, eyes glimmering with despondence. How was she supposed to complete this massive task of epic proportions set before her? To do this would tame a lot of time, effort, and preparations… not to mention they would be late! To do such a thing… holding both New Years' and Christmas parties… on the some day… why, it was-

"Blasphemy!" Jade screeched to the air as she wrenched open the bathroom door. Striding down the hall, the black haired figure was oblivious to the weird stares she was given by her various housemates. She gestured to no one in particular and talked to herself as she arrived in the living room, "I can't believe we MISSED Christmas AND New Years! Do you know what kind of moral backlash this is? No one wants to read a humor fic that doesn't have holiday festivities and getting hammered on New Years!" Her eyes drew toward the ceiling, as if the suspended frame of plaster was to blame. Poor ceiling, it wasn't its' fault. Well, it did fall on Sonic in the middle of the night and almost killed him, but other than that, who could blame a poor, innocent little ceiling?

Apparently Jade could. However, she was startled from her thoughts by a poke on the shoulder, causing her to leap high in the air and scream, "Yeek!" Yes, she actually screamed, "Yeek!"

"Umm… Jade?" Cream the Rabbit asked, rubbing the last remnants of sleep from her eyes, "Why are you talking to the ceiling and screaming 'Yeek'?"

Jade was drawing in deep breaths to recover from her shock. She turned on her heel, "Cream! Do you know what day it is today?"

The little rabbit looked straight at the taller woman, "February 1, 2007! Why?" However, before Jade could give her an answer, tears started to well up in Creams' eyes as the bunny lass realized the truth, "Does… does that mean… no Christmas?" Her lip quivered, and a huge stream of water poured forth from her eyes as she lamented about not getting any presents. Spoiled little bitc- oh, I mean, poor little thing. Ahem.

The familiar sound of a sonic boom occurred as Sonic rushed in at the wailing voice of the rabbit girl. Instead of inquiring what was wrong, he sank to his knees and clutched the carpet, "We missed New Years… that means no booze!" He then flopped to the floor and lay still.

"Um… Sonic?" Jade motioned to her hair, as if pulling out something. Sonic reached to his quills, pulling out the deadly plaster from the night before and hurled it away before resuming his prone position on the ground, "You don't drink. You aren't even of legal age. Half of the residents here aren't even teenagers!"

"Well then," Tails exclaimed as he came down the stairs from his bedroom, "Why not hold a Christmas and New Year's Party today?"

"But it's February!" Jade yelled in anguish, "Do you know how weird we'll be, hanging up a Christmas tree in February? IT"S JUST NOT RIGHT!"

Tails crossed his arms, rolling his eyes, "Really, Jade, it's not our fault almost two months have passed since Silver's escapades in the kitchen. At least, two months in author time. Besides, it's snowing outside. It's perfect weather!"

"If you're sure about it… besides, it does sound like a nice idea," Jade pondered a bit before exclaiming, "Right then! First, we'll need supplies! Who would like to go shopping for a tree and some presents? Two groups, please!"

"Sonic and I will go get presents!" Amy cried from atop Sonic's head; she had climbed up on him and latched onto him with all her might.

"Why me…" Sonic mumbled, before being dragged away by the deliriously happy pink hedgehog to get dressed for the winter shopping.

"I'll pick out a Christmas tree!" Cream and Tails both volunteered at the same time. Shrugging, the two also went to dress warmly for the act of tree picking.

As the foursome headed out the door, Jade divided the rest of the chores between the four residents that were left: Shadow and Rouge were chosen to pick up some drinks and food (Jade nearly killed Shadow when he asked if he could buy alcohol) and Silver and Blaze were left with the task to clean up the house and decorate for the party.

Silver scratched his head as Blaze fetched a few Christmas decorations, "Remind me, Jade, how exactly how do you decorate a house before?"

Jade's jaw dropped to the floor, "You mean you've never decorated a house before? It isn't that hard to do, really…"

Silver's expression soured, "Well, Blaze and I didn't have much in the future. Mainly charred buildings, and those things don't look good with decorations no matter how many you put up."

Jade's face softened, and took a few Christmas garnets and baubles from the box Blaze had procured. Climbing up a ladder, she strung a few of each in the main corners of the living room. She also placed a little stalk of mistletoe in the entryway. She smiled, "Does that help? You can manage it on your own, right?"

Silver nodded. He and Blaze began to spread Christmas cheer within the house. Soon, the whole place sparkled with vivid greens and reds, candy canes and holly placed at jaunty angles on the stairs and the furniture. Wearing a Santa hat, Silver asked, "How does that look?"

Jade grinned, admiring their handiwork, "Very nice job, guys!" Maybe this whole thing would turn out well after all.

* * *

Tails surveyed the towering conifers that were draped with snow. No place was selling Christmas trees, so the fox and the rabbit had to go to the nearby forest. He adjusted his scarf draped around his neck, sighing. The cold winds bit at him, causing him no end of agitation. Rubbing his hands together, he peered around for Cream, "Hey, Cream! Have you found anything yet?"

The little rabbit girl, wearing a large sweater and earmuffs, was hopping up and down excitedly, her overly large boots leaving deep imprints in the snow, "Look, Tails! I found a really big one!" Tails gazed up all the way to the top of the tree. It was the perfect height for Jade's living room. Snow fell in a soft blanket alongside the two as Tails examined the tree further.

"So? Is it good?" Cream inquired, shivering from the cold.

Tails nodded, taking out a chainsaw in order to cut the tree down, as well as strapping on a pair of protective goggles, "It's great, Cream. Can you spread out the net for the tree to fall onto?" He started up the chainsaw, nearly jumping as the tool buzzed to life, the pointed blades revving continuously.

Cream nodded. Unfolding a large rope net, she laid it out gently onto the snow. Tails moved the chainsaw into the trunk, cutting away the bark. After the fox made a clean cut through the trunk, the tree leaned precariously to one side, and then the other, before teetering straight onto the hauling net.

The tan and cream colored rabbit child scurried over from one side of the tree to the next, securing the rope ends together so the two children could have some leverage to tug it along, as well as for the tree She took up one tassel, testing it out by tugging the rope. It held fast.

Nodding, Tails took up the other tassel. Both of them pulled hard on the rope to see if the tree would move along… and nothing. The tree stayed in one spot. Gritting her teeth, Cream clasped both hands on one tassel and pulled with all her might; however, she pulled a little too hard. Her hands slipped, and losing her balance, the little girl toppled over onto the snow.

Tails rushed over to help her up, "Cream, are you okay?" Tails asked the younger rabbit, worriedly.

She brushed the snow off of her sweater, sighing, "I'm fine Tails, thank you. But it looks like we won't be able to get the tree back home."

Tails blew his bangs out of his eyes, heaving forth an even greater sigh than Cream's, "Great. Now what? We're too weak to move the tree any distance at all, much less get it back to Jade for the party."

Cream tried to offer some helpful advice, "One of us could stay by the tree, while the other goes and gets some help. Knuckles could probably haul this thing easily."

"I don't think we should do that," Tails mused, sitting down on the tree trunk. "It's getting really cold; I don't think we should split up," his eyes drew to the sky, indicating the worsening weather and the darkening clouds.

"Should we just leave the tree here then?" Cream asked, joining Tails on the tree trunk. She shifted around, avoiding the sharp parts of the bark, before settling in place.

"But what kind of Christmas party would it be without a tree?"

"True…" Cream's voice trailed off, before she started up again with a totally different subject, "Hey, do you think this is some intricate plot, instigated by the author, to have us die here in the forest due to freezing cold because we were too stupid to make a decision about a Christmas tree?"

"I don't believe so… besides, we're too smart for that. Plus," Tails informed his rabbit friend, "dying in the cold like that would be more of a sad death than a humorous one; that's not how a humor fic works!"

"Yeah…" Cream folded her hands on her lap, staring into the starry night, "I would cry if that happened."

"No, not the mournful type of sad," Tails corrected his friend, "the stupid kind of sad."

"Oh."

* * *

Sonic's hand joyfully descended on the list of Christmas gifts; he was about to cross off the last gift from the list with a ballpoint pen. This hellish nightmare with that pink freak would soon be over.

"No, wait!" Amy squealed overdramatically, her voice jarring Sonic's brain, "I found one that's much better!" Cooing with girlish glee, Amy held up a purple dress to her frame, followed by a similar one in aquamarine.

"Does purple make me look fat?" Amy asked worriedly, lending her body to the scrutiny of her blue beau; like he could give any less of a care. She repeated her question, "Sonic? Are you even listening to me?"

Sonic had indeed heard her the first time; he was about to reply with a snide remark along the lines of, "No, it's the fact that you're fat that makes you look fat." But realizing that would cause him unnecessary pain, Sonic kept quiet. He was already lugging around all the other gifts anyway, there was no point in getting her mad at this late juncture.

Amy ignored Sonic, for possibly the first time in her life, and walked up to the cashier, paying for the aquamarine dress. Of course, the last gift had been the pink hedgehogs', "Come on Sonic, time to leave!" Grabbing her obsession by the arm, Amy dragged him out of the store.

Those words were heaven to the blue hero's ears; he could care less that he was being manhandled by his number one pink fangirls. He had spent half of the day shopping and he was ready to go!

As the cute (or not so cute) couple descended on the doorstep of their residence (Amy had put all the gifts inside a large red bag with white trim so to appear more Christmas spirited, even though they hadn't wrapped a single one) the two marveled at how truly glorious the house looked. The party seemed to already be in full swing as they opened the door.

Tails and Cream had somehow managed to lug the tree home, (it turns out Knuckles had secretly tagged along to help them out) and it was decked out with trim, ornaments, and a beautiful star at the top. A large banner was strewn across the room, reading "Happy New Year!" in colorful bubble letters.

Rouge's eyes were glued to the TV screen as she watched her Christmas soap operas, and Knuckles was sitting right next to her with a black eye. The batgirl had beaten him into submission after his flat refusal to watch her shows.

Sonic promptly flopped to the floor from his exhausting day of shopping. Amy slipped his gift, a lovingly crafted friendship ring, onto his finger. She walked over next to Tails and Cream, who were busy sipping some of the fruit punch Shadow had made.

"Wow, you guys managed to get that big tree home? It's beautiful!" Amy said, handing Tails a book on Jungian philosophy and Cream a make up kit.

Tails flipped through the book, which described various processes of alchemy and some such nonsense, commenting, "It was difficult. For a moment, we thought it would be a plot point to try and get Cream and I together." Cream giggled as she played with the eyeliner and blush.

Amy slipped behind Knuckles and Rouge, depositing their gifts in their laps; Rouge received a large ruby (where did Amy get that?) and Knuckles was the happy recipient of a pair of bagh nakh. Weird gifts, aren't they?

Amy snuck up next to Shadow, who was standing at the door, being all angsty and such. She hid his gift behind his back, "Shadow, care to see what I got for you?" His face lit up as she handed him a rocket launcher. He then proceeded to rush outside and blow things up. Bad Amy, bad!

She gazed around for Silver and Blaze before seeing them sitting at the foot of the stairs, talking amiably. Amy gave Blaze a fire extinguisher and Silver a Jean Grey action figure, receiving only confused looks in return. She was a lousy gift buyer, it seems.

She abruptly ran into Jade, who was her last recipient of a gift. Jade hurriedly placed the bundle she had behind her back. Amy gave her a big hug, before thrusting her gift into Jade's face. "I hope you like it, Jade!" Her face turned to one of confusion as she heard a muffled noise coming from the bundle, "Jade… what is that?" Amy craned her neck to try and get a peek.

Jade bashed the bundle with a Piko Piko Hammer, which was Amy's gift to her, "Umm… rats! That's it! They kept climbing around in the attic!"

"We have an attic?"

"Of course we do!" Jade said brightly, tossing the bundle out in the snow, whispering to it, "That's what you get for tripping me Jynx!"

Amy shrugged, "Ok then. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, Jade!" Amy walked next to Rouge, her eye's glued to the soap opera on TV.

Suddenly, something dawned on Jade, and she asked aloud, "Hey, has anyone seen Elsie?"

The whole house replied, "She got kidnapped by some little girl as a toy. Don't worry; she'll be back next chapter."

* * *

**Yep… I forgot all about poor Elsie. Anyway, I know it's late, but at least I got it done! Don't worry, next chapter will be quicker.**


	12. Oh noes! Teh last chapter!

**Chapter 12: Oh noes! Teh last chapter!**

**AN: I know it's been a while… quite a while… but here is the end to my random humor story, "Burger King: Sonic Style!" I have enjoyed writing this, truly. But I also am a little sad because anyone can write totally random crap and make people laugh. If I write another humor story, it will be a lot more serious than this. **

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"What do you mean LAST CHAPTER?" Jade screeched like a harpy, suddenly waking up as if from a nightmare. She could hear the tinkle of glass ornaments, likely the ones strung around the house for Christmas, breaking. Or maybe it was a window. "Everyone loves me! LOVES ME, I SAY!"

"It's entirely possible that the author wanted this to be the last chapter. Plus, no one seems to really be reading this anymore because the updates come really late and they've probably moved on to something else," Elsie stated, probably jumping with joy that she actually got a part in the story bigger than one sentence.

"Wait… when did you get back?" Jade asked warily as hair started to frazzle.

"I think it was two or more months when I escaped from that evil little girl and her freaky toy room, but that author probably didn't even pass it off as an hour back in February… I mean May. Whatever." Elsie answered, offering her explanation of how she had yet again randomly appeared in Jade's bedroom. I bet she's a stalker.

"I wonder how many times we have broken the fourth wall in this story…" Jade contemplated, more to herself than to the mentally handicapped cow who was following behind her. Jade grumpily pushed aside the bed covers and headed downstairs.

Elsie, of course, took it upon herself to answer her question, even though Jade didn't really care for a reply. "One… two…" The cow girl counted off on her fingers before realizing that she didn't _have _fingers. "Definitely a lot of times, though…" the bovine said, even though Jade wasn't listening.

Both the black haired girl and the cow waited for a bit before everyone magically appeared in the same room as them. How do they _do_ that? It didn't seem to really bother any one of the Sonic crew that their random adventures were coming to an end after almost a year (in real life, mind you; story wise, maybe two months?). They all had hopes and dreams that they wanted to accomplish. Not to mention that there was bunches of romance, pain, and horror that other fiction writers were going to put them through.

But one question, for some undeniably _strange _reason, remained in their heads.

"What the hell are we going do about _The Jade Palace_?" The restaurant's founder/manager yelled, her voice somehow changing in a profound way when she spoke the italicized part of that sentence.

"Hey, guys! Guess what I did!" Varahki popped up from somewhere. "I just sold the Jade Palace_!"_ This was an odd statement coming from the shirtless hedgehog, seeing as he wasn't even part of the staff for all that long.

Instead of being ticked off or incredulous or some other synonyms, Jade just smiled, clapping the brown and green hedgehog on the back, "Well! More power to ya, my friend! Now that this story is almost over, the good old restaurant probably won't be seeing anymore customers."

"Yeah, plus half of us have something we're doing in other stories," Tails spoke up, lifting his left hand.

"Like what?" Jade inquired, curious.

"Oh, it's nothing much. Just being dead," Tails stated as if proclaiming that you got killed off, yet still being alive right then was a statement everybody made.

"Plus, me, Sonic, and Knuckles are mourning his death!" Amy crooned from her perch atop Sonic's head. "It's quite sad, really! You should give it a read!"

"Isn't that breaking some sort of law, if you ask the readers of a fiction to go and check out another one?" Sonic grunted as Amy's weight caused him to crash to the floor.

"And it's not even a subtle hint, really. Kind of out in the open, wasn't it?" Knuckles contemplated as he rubbed his chin.

The white bat/gem hunter Rouge spoke up, "Come to think of it," Rouge gestured to the other half of the house's occupants, "half of us haven't been featured in a story other than this one! What gives?"

"Yeah!" Shadow stepped up, his teeth somehow shining, "how could this clearly delusional author not write a story about ME? I'm an angtsy, rugged ball of hot and brooding hedgehog!"

"I even had my own GAME!" Shadow shouted, holding up aforementioned copy of Shadow the Hedgehog.

"But that game sucked," Sonic said as he finally managed to throw Amy off of him.

"That's beside the point!" Shadow, unfortunately, was carried off screaming and crying for his mommy by a new breed of fan girls the moment after.

Silver and Blaze just stood there.

"What about you guys?" Jade asked the pair from the future.

The two looked at each other, exchanging confused glances.

"I don't know…? Does it really matter if we're in another story?" Silver asked, cocking his starfish head to the right.

Blaze shrugged, "Who cares? People are two busy arguing over who to pair us with. I'd rather be spared that stupidity, thanks."

In the moment of revelations, Cream had been forgotten. She piped up sweetly, "I happen to have a bit part in that other story! So I'm good!" But no one cared, so she rushed off crying or something.

Jade crossed her arms, proclaiming loudly, "Something tells me that the author really isn't trying on the humor on this last chapter. I mean, come on! It's the last chapter! And the 'paragraphs' are maybe two to three sentences long! What about those fat blocks of text that no one reads through? Why couldn't he type THOSE up, huh?"

"But, Jade," dead Tails who wasn't really dead but still alive, spoke up, "shouldn't you be worried about something else?"

"What do you mean?" Jade asked, narrowing your eyes.

"Your original creator kind of seems to be dead. Or maybe she's just not writing any more," Sonic informed the raven haired girl.

Even though you think she would have got the hint, Jade asked, "What do you mean by that?"

"You can't really go home, seeing as DramaQueen2000 doesn't seem to want you back," Amy stated rather bluntly.

"WHAT?" Jade screeched. "She's the one sent me over here! I'm going to go back home and give her a piece of my mind!" Jade seemed rather oblivious to the fact that her creator didn't really seem to be frequenting anymore.

"Wait for me!" Jynx cried as she followed after her "friend" outside the house, even though neither of them had a clue as to where they were going. The two hostesses that had been with the story for all of it's entirety, 12 whole chapters, left their house to go find Europe. Or wherever the hell they lived.

And so, life continued on for everyone's favorite (or not so favorite) heroes after their totally random experiences working at the Jade Palace, after 12 whole chapters of babies, pickle jars, heavy Christmas trees, Shadow's proclamations of love, Jade's responsive violence, and god knows what else.

The author would go into one of those pseudo epilogue thingies where the character's names are listed following with what they did after the event's of the story, but he doesn't care.

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_**(Quite a crappy) FIN **_

**I do realize that this was a REALLY bad ending chapter for this fic, and it was short, and not funny, and whatever else is wrong with it. But I just wanted to end it and be done. Unceremonious, I know, but I kind of just grew tired of spewing random crap.**

**Enjoy, read and review if you want. Whatever. **


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